So you have a pooch now - a guide to post partum elegance - 2

I know the post on postpartum elegance is more than a year old. I have made strides in my quest for postpartum elegance, even though I have been bad about documenting it here.

The single most important thing I have implemented this year is wearing more dresses, and not just when I'm going out.

The easiest way to look put together is to wear a dress. This is because a dress is only one item of clothing, you do not have to look for matching bits and pieces. Wearing a jeans, or skirt, you have to look for a top that matches, and if you are like me, with a hectic lifestyle and demanding children, you just want to keep it moving and haven't got time to waste matching clothes most days.

Since I started wearing more dresses, I look and feel more put together and I get more compliments, people think I put in a whole lot of effort, and yet I don't.

If you are a mum, busy etc, and you think a dress is not practical, let me encourage you to look out for practical yet cute dresses. There are dresses which look good, and which you can breastfeed in.
I typically dress up my dresses ;) with a belt, to define my postpartum body. You can layer a cardigan on your dress or at shirt underneath it. I try to get dresses with a bit of detailing around the middle ( similar to Sheryl in the image below) , to hide my sometimes pooch, or fitted dresses.

Here is the thing.

1. If you look good, you will feel good. If you feel good, you will feel happier. If mummy's happy, everyone is happy.
2. Taking care of yourself and your own needs is a priority ( I should take my own advices sometimes ;)
3. Looking put together gives you a boost of confidence and helps you become a better worker.

So try wearing a dress tomorrow and see how that makes you feel.

How to be more assertive part 1

Do you have challenges being assertive? I do, many times.  I think it come from the fact that in my culture, respect is king. And people in authority and older people are the top dogs, who must be respected. My father would get upset and borderline aggressive if one dared to articulate an opinion that was contrary to his. He still tries that sometimes, even now when I'm an adult married woman. I am more assertive towards him, but the very process robs me of my strength. I find that I struggle with assertiveness with people in positions of authority, and I also feel guilty and sometimes when I am assertive in other situations as I am afraid that people won't like me. I don't know if anyone can identify with me!
I don't think it's necessarily or always about lack of self confidence. Sometime, I just chose not to be assertive and rationalize that I won't waste my energy on people who won't get it, but then I get upset and can't explain why to myself.

I'm on a journey this year to increase my level of assertiveness. I will be sharing my plans and how successful I am or not. If you are having issues with assertiveness as well, please leave a comment below and let's learn from each other and support each other.

First and foremost, let's take a step back and find out what assertiveness is.

Assertiveness is the ability to stand up for ourselves and to say how we feel when we feel we need to. This includes,

Expressing your own opinion and feelings. Being able to say "no" without feeling guilty. Setting your own priorities i.e. choosing how you spend your time. Asking for what you want. Being able to take reasonable risks. Choosing not to assert yourself at times when you feel it would be better not to say anything. Assertiveness  shows that we respect ourselves and other people, and place our own desires and needs where they should be.  THE PROBLEM: Lack of assertiveness can cause stress, depression and anxiety and lead to feelings of self blame.  People who do not assert themselves fail to get their due,and also tend to feel bad about themselves.  Here are a few typical problems caused by lack of assertiveness. Saying "yes" to requests for favours from friends and relatives, no matter how unfair the requests are. Begin afraid to return damaged goods or point out poor service in shops and restaurants. Difficulty expressing positive feelings i.e. giving compliments. A fear of being criticised by others. A fear of people in authority. The first step to solving a problem is realizing you have a problem. Do you have a challenge with being assertive? Own the problem, and join me on this journey.

Discover your strengths.

Do you know what your strengths are? Many times we focus on our weaknesses instead of capitalizing on our strengths.

Don't get me wrong focusing on certain weaknesses with the aim of improving them can certainly be a good thing, however, there are certain weak areas where we need to just accept that we will never be able to convert them to strengths, so we can free space in our lives in order to focus on the things that matter and that we can actually do well.

Of course not everyone has the freedom to do a complete 180 degree turn in terms of career, but many times we delude ourselves into thinking that doing the same thing that has brought disappointing results over and over will give us different results. Life is too short to spend it on frustrating ventures and careers that are less than fulfilling.

Often, not capitalizing on our strengths when it relates to our jobs and occupations is the reason why we are unable to make significant headway, or even if we are successful doing what we do, we might not have a deep inner satisfaction. We spend too many of our waking hours working as adults that it is important to be engaged in activities that not only pay the bills, but also give us a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

2014 is just starting off and here's a brand new opportunity to leverage your strengths. Before embarking on that new project or business, before looking for a new job or accepting that offer, before throwing up your hands in despair, let me ask you again - what are your strengths? Knowing your strengths is knowing yourself and how well your know yourself is directly related to how self assured you are and how successful your interactions with others.
What are your weaknesses? You need to consciously know them to stop wasting time on those areas.

How can you find out what your strengths are? Take 10 minutes to think on the following

1) Are there any activities that you find yourself losing track of time when engaging in those activities?
2) Have you been surprised by any activity that gave you an unexpected burst of energy?

3) What activities rob you of emotional and mental energy?

Book recommendation:- Now, discover your strengths.

Homework:- Have a chat with someone who knows you and whom you can trust for an unbiased opinion on your strengths and weaknesses.

Quick and healthy meals for kids: Introducing"What's cooking!?!"

Introducing the series on quick to prepare, nutritious meals that will have your kids asking for more: What's cooking!!!
I will be sharing tried and tested recipes that have passed the tough controls of big sister and my not-so-little-anymore baby E.
Today's recipe is the Winter potato soup.

Recipe history: this recipe was born out of desperation, one Saturday in early autumn when I had no clue what to feed the kids for lunch with lunch time fast approaching. I wanted them to have a hearty lunch and I was desperate for something different from the usual pasta or steamed potato etc.

I have made this soup using different types of vegetables. It's a good way to use left over boiled potatoes, and adding the vegetables helps you pack some extra vitamins in too.
.It's quick and simple to make, if you are using pre boiled potatoes, you only need 10 minutes or so. I have made a short video about how I make my winter potato soup. Guten appetite!!

What's cooking

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Shout out to good daddies

I came across the Daddy Doing Work blog via a post on the Good Men project Facebook page. Apparently, the photo below went viral.



I follow lots of mothering blogs and pages, but this is the first time I have been made aware of the also large ( it seems) community of daddy bloggers out there. It's awesome that there are men out there who are comfortable enough with their masculinity to be hands on dads. I think most men find it fulfilling, and more would find it fulfilling, once they break out of the boxes that society has put parenting into.

My DH wore our babies in the baby ties and carriers and can be quite a hands on dad. He does think he's pretty special when hanging out with the kids, lol, but who cares? My children know that they have a loving dad who would give the world for them. My daughter told me a couple of years ago
" ich bin Papa's Sonnenenschein und Mama's Schatz"
 meaning
" I'm Papa's Sunshine and Mama's treasure". She sounded so secure when she said that that it warmed my heart.

So go on doing your things, Daddies!I wish that every kid grows up knowing that they are loved and cherished by their parents, not just mummies alone.

Happy new year!

On a more serious note, I am thankful to God to be able to see 2014. The kids are a year older and the juggle is getting easier.
Here's to a fulfilling and productive year ahead!

Baby fun

My baby is almost 20 months old and such a cute baby. He also talks a lot, for his age. In Kindergarten, he is way ahead of his peers in the speech department.

He mostly speaks German because I haven't been as fastidious about speaking English with him as I was with his sister. I'm trying to gain lost ground now, so wish me luck.

Anytime I've been on the phone with someone, he always asks me afterwards "war dat?" baby for 'wer war Das?' meaning 'who was that'? Now he's grown a bit he says "war Das?"

It's become a running joke in our home, so that we say 'war dat' to each other.

So yesterday Grandma (DHs mum) called and T talked to him, then baby E wanted to as well. So his sister gave him the phone and he talked to her. And afterwards, he gave me the phone and when I hung up, he immediately said 'War das?'. Lol. Fun times at our house.

Here's a photo of our Saturday morning musli bowl of goodness. My son refused to eat such nonsense, but my daughter dug in heartily. Have a great weekend.

 

Ambivert

Finally, I have a word to describe my personality! According to the free online dictionary, an ambivert is someone who exhibits ambiversion.

ambiversion

n.

A personality trait including the qualities of both introversion and extroversion.

Every personality test I've ever taken has been unable to group me and now I know that there is a name for me, for my personality type. I am an ambivert who leans more towards introversion.

This has been a week of self discovery for me, I saw the brilliantly drawn How to interact with introverts yesterday and it resonated very loudly with me.

I also listened the Susan Cain on Marie4leos YouTube video talking about networking tips for introverts, after which I stumbled on this brilliant TED talk by Susan Cain, which in turn led me to the word Ambivert - which is who I am.

I have a daughter who is growing up with exactly the same personality type and I really want her to grow up self confident and knowing who she is. This journey of self discovery is as much for her as it is for me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's okay to be feminine

A mother of two, with a few folds existing where there were previously none to see, closer to 40 than 30, I feel I can say that I love the body I am in, I love whom I am and I'm looking forward to each fabulous day.

I am above average in looks, can be charming and engaging if the mood is right, how did it happen that for over 5 years I felt uncomfortable in my skin, not quite satisfied with how I looked, but seemingly unable to do anything to change it? I used to weigh 55 kilos, could eat anything and not really gain weight, I lived as a student in Moscow, one of the fashion capitals of the world, where looking good is good business. About 10 years ago, I married my husband, dear man and moved to Germany. And I got stuck.

Most women in Germany don't really pay too much attention to what they are wearing, most people 60 and below anyway. The over 70s are generally different. Anyway, so I moved to provincial Germany and slowly my wardrobe evolved to blend with my surroundings. As my metabolism slowed with age, and as a result of multiple pregnancies, I have arrived at my current weight of 67kgs. I work in a field where there are hardly any women, not to talk of women of colour, in Germany, where it seems almost like a badge of to dress frumpily, or as asexually as possible., so little wonder that my work wardrobe was full of slacks and expensive shirts, the look of which I didn't always like on myself.

I have to admit that I have issues with standing out, positively or negatively, I find it uncomfortable to accept praise or receive criticism publicly, and it's become worse since I moved to Germany, so that's probably part of the reason why I tried to blend in so drastically.

I would see someone visiting from outside Germany, or travel outside Germany and look enviously at how well put together they were. It got to a stage where I decided I just wasn't as nice looking as I thought I was and, so just accept with the hand I've been dealt. I loved going abroad because I felt like a completely different person.

Thank God for the wisdom of age - where you slowly learn to care less about what others think about you, preferring instead to do what makes you happy. I also silently absorbed the thoughts and opinions of loads of women on an online forum that I visit ( originally for hair care tips, and now for every topic under the sun), and there was a period had where there were so many discussions on becoming the 'it-girl' as they called it and on personal style.

The first time I wore a dress to a meeting, it was liberating for me. There were 25 of us and I was the only female. Dress code was business casual and I looked a bit more formal than the rest of the group, but that's my prerogative being the only woman in the group, or what do you think? I felt I could be myself with respect to dressing and it didn't really matter what I wore/wear (within the boundaries of decency of course), what matters is that I bring a lot to the table. It also started to strike me that a lot of senior women in and outside of my company seem to wear lots of dresses. I'm sure it's less about the dress than about the self confidence which enables them to be wholly themselves.

I feel so much happier since I started dressing to please myself, without taking too much notice of others opinion. I notice with surprise how comfortable I felt wearing my own natural hair 'out' around the same time too. Now I went natural in 2009, but I always had my hair in braids, cornrows or a weave, and when not in a bun. It was liberating to wear twists( with no added extensions), which were not particularly special looking and feel beautiful! Now I have a few blemishes here and there, bags under my eye due to lack of sleep and a left over baby bump, but you know what, I am beautiful! I have a classic feminine personal style and there is nothing wrong with that.

I feel good, tada da dada, I feel good, tada da dada, so good, so good.....

 

My mummy, my daddy and my granpa

Hello fellow jugglers, just checking in after a nice relaxing extended weekend in London. Our toddler is starting to talk a lot more, and in both English and German. Some of his words are: money/Geld, Onkel, Aunty, Gross, Milky, Meiner, more etc. He has also started making two word sentences, so "meiner money" etc. He is growing soooooo fast!
Tuesday workday wasn't as interesting or fun.....applying for a visa to some destinations is a pain in the butt. Anyway, a hilarious post on Mothering.com reminded me of what my daughter told them at Kindergarten when I was pregnant with little man:

My mummy is expecting a brother, my daddy is expecting a little sister and my Grossvater* is expecting two babies

Needless to say, my DH started to work on his beer gut soon afterwards.
Wishing you a great week guys.


*Grossvater- German for Grandpa

Tips for new moms

With Kate looking as fit as ever barely 24 ours after having the wee Prince of Cambridge, it has spurred me on to do a post on tips for new mothers. Kate already looks fit and is smiling as ever, and I am certain has a lot of help available.

Here are my top tips for new moms, in alphabetical order:

Allow your husband/ partner to help/ bond with baby:
It's very important to involve your DH or partner as soon as possible in caring for baby. That fosters a great father child bond, but also ensures that you are not over extended. I learnt the hard way that if you don't let your husband help from the very beginning, feeding, bathing and caring for baby will soon become your responsibility only. It doesn't matter whether or not he puts the diaper on properly, just let him, and praise him copiously. After all, if this is our first child, you also only just learned to change diapers too. Letting your partner get involved is a win win for everyone involved and for your relationship too. It enables a smooth transition into a parenting partnership.

Breastfeed: I would encourage all new mothers to breastfeed for as long as they can, preferaby the first 4 or 6 months exclusively or at least just the first few weeks. The antibodies in your milk are great for baby.

Diet: Diet is especially important after you have your baby, for both mother and child. Eating a healthy, protein rich ( but not too protein rich) diet helps ensure that you , the new mom keeps your strength, and that your baby does not have unnecessary tummy aches due to too hard to digest food. I remember when little man was about a month old, I was puzzled as to why he had tummy aches. I hadn't eaten any of the typical gassy foods that cause babies to develop a tummy ache. Fortunately, my midwife visited me that day, and while talking, I mentioned that it was my DHs birthday and I had really over indulged in his yummy cream cheese cake. Cream cheese is relatively difficult to digest, so it was clear why baby was having a tummy ache. Err on the side of a balanced but not too rich diet. Do introduce new foods cautiously. You eating some foods my cause reactions in your baby if you are breast feeding. My DD refused breast milk(very loudly I might add) because I had eaten white asparagus. My son on the other hand didn't show the slightest reaction to asparagus. He actually likes it!

Exercise: Although one is encouraged to take it easy and not over exert oneself for the first 6 to 8 weeks after birth, especially when one is still expelling Lochia, there are gentle exercises that can be done to assist the body in bouncing back. One should of course listen to the doctors, but I listened to my doctors and midwife a bit too closely, which is why even though i have lost most of the baby weight, my pooch is still a problem area for me.

These exercises can be done in about 10 minutes and it's all basically a variation of "cycling in the air"( image courtesy of Maemo.org)
Cycling in the air:

A good way to vary this with time is to cycle to the left and to the right, or while lying on the right side of your belly or to the left. Now get those legs cycling ladies!
I also learned to pull my belly in, to my core, while lying flat on my back, during my Chinese post natal exercise classes. I will update this post with those exercises as I recollect them.
What types of exercises have helped you get your figure back? Please share ladies!
Sleep: Sleep when baby sleeps, everyone says this, but its really true and important. I do realize that when you are on the second, third or...child, that's easier said than done, but for the ladies who have just had their first child, or who have help in the first few weeks in taking care of the older kids, sleep, sleep, sleep. Don't worry about the house being upside down, just sleep. You can thank me later.

Finally, accept all the help that is offered. The first week after my daughter was born, my aunt was here cooking and taking care of me. Afterwards, my MIL brought me lunch everyday and my DH cooked dinner, and took care of the household ( okay, I had to verbally spur him on on that last bit, lol). It helped my adjustment to motherhood go much more smoothly.

I will be updating this post periodically with other tips that occur to me.
What tips do you have for new mothers?