How to be more assertive Part 2

In this post,  I want to explore some of the misconceptions about assertiveness and my rationale for being unassertive.


The main reason for unassertive behaviour is a fear of what might happen if you are assertive. What do you fear might happen if you did stand up for your rights? You may fear that you would feel extremely guilty or anxious after asserting yourself. These fears are usually based on false beliefs about assertiveness. Let's have a look at some of these myths.

I'll be being selfish if I say what I want: All we are doing by being assertive is putting our own needs on an equal level with the needs of other people. It is important for our own well being to do this. This is helpful for other people as well. We are not doing anyone a favour by letting them take us for granted or get whatever they want from us.
Here is another example of how it can help other people. Supposing you were watching a film in a cinema and the person behind you was talking all the time. By politely saying something like: "excuse me, would you mind not talking while the film is on", you would be helping both yourself and the people around you.
Note that this is quite different from an aggressive comment like "Why don't you shut up!" which is only likely to lead to an argument.

If I stand up for myself the other person will become upset and angry: This assumes that other people are always unreasonable. Remember, you are only asking to be treated as an equal and not making big demands. Most people will recognise this and accept your point of view. In fact, you may be surprised how easily they agree with you.

People won't like me if I say what I want: Think of the people you know who are assertive. Do you think any less of them for that? The chances are you respect them more for being assertive. People are likely to think more of you if you assert yourself as it means they know where they stand with you.

I feel too anxious to start being assertive: This is something of a vicious circle. Being assertive for the first time is always hard but it becomes easier after that.

So you have a pooch now - a guide to post partum elegance - 2

I know the post on postpartum elegance is more than a year old. I have made strides in my quest for postpartum elegance, even though I have been bad about documenting it here.

The single most important thing I have implemented this year is wearing more dresses, and not just when I'm going out.

The easiest way to look put together is to wear a dress. This is because a dress is only one item of clothing, you do not have to look for matching bits and pieces. Wearing a jeans, or skirt, you have to look for a top that matches, and if you are like me, with a hectic lifestyle and demanding children, you just want to keep it moving and haven't got time to waste matching clothes most days.
Since I started wearing more dresses, I look and feel more put together and I get more compliments, people think I put in a whole lot of effort, and yet I don't.

If you are a mum, busy etc, and you think a dress is not practical, let me encourage you to look out for practical yet cute dresses. There are dresses which look good, and which you can breastfeed in.
I typically dress up my dresses ;) with a belt, to define my postpartum body. You can layer a cardigan on your dress or at shirt underneath it. I try to get dresses with a bit of detailing around the middle ( similar to Sheryl in the image below) , to hide my sometimes pooch, or fitted dresses.
Here is the thing.

  1. If you look good, you will feel good. If you feel good, you will feel happier. If mummy's happy, everyone is happy.
  2. Taking care of yourself and your own needs is a priority ( I should take my own advices sometimes ;)
  3. Looking put together gives you a boost of confidence and helps you become a better worker.
So try wearing a dress tomorrow and see how that makes you feel.

Let’s talk about how much TV children should be watching

How much TV consumption is deemed health for children varies across cultures. As a mum raising bicultural kids in Germany, my thoughts ...