Relaxed mum, relaxed baby

My baby turned 3 months this week. I can't believe how time has flown, he now weighs about 3kg more than at birth and has grown about 10cms. He started to laugh, see colour and try to grasp things. At his check up, the pediatrician was amazed to see he is already trying to pull himself forward.

E is such a happy baby, sleeps better, smiles more etc. I feel that a lot of that has to do with the fact that this time around, I am so relaxed. With my daughter, I wanted to be the best mother there is, but I tried too hard, so I don't know if her fussiness had something to do with colic or with me being tense and over analytical.

I still want to be the best mother there is, but because of my experience with my daughter, I don't try too hard. I just am.
Photo Credit: MarkyBon via Compfight cc

You see, I learnt a secret, I will always be the best mother to my children, all I need is to be me.

Happy mother, happy baby. Relaxed mother, relaxed baby.
Have a great weekend.

Quote of the week.

If you don't build your dream
Someone will hire you to help...build theirs - Dhirubhai Ambani

Bedtime terrors

Bedtime terrors, not to be confused with night terrors, is the state of stress that I enter into when bedtime comes around each day.
Photo Credit: Markus YK via Compfight cc

V, who has decided that she wants to be known as big sister since the birth of her brother, is the main trigger of my terrors.

First we say bedtime prayers, she thinks I pray too long, so she always says " mummy, I'll pray today, okay? and you tomorrow', never mind that I said the prayers yesterday. Sometimes I then say, 'no dear, it's mummy's turn today', to which she will reply 'okay, but please pray a short prayer, three minutes long'. Since she turned three, three minutes have become the perfect time interval for her. Not too short and not too long. Just right.

After prayers, it's time for a bed time story. I have managed to reduce our reading requirement to two books per night, or about four stories, if I am reading a collection of sort stories. You might think that is a large amount, but actually, it is quite an achievement that we have managed to agree on the amount. I left her with a babysitter in January, and came back to find out that the poor girl had read seven books and my daughter was still awake.

Let me say at this point that DH and I are avid readers, and the first year of her life, when big sister showed no interest at all in books, preferring to try to catwalk in my shoes instead, I was quite worried and hoped she would develop an interest in books. Well, it is a clear case of be careful what you wish for :)

After the books, it is time for her to listen to her Benjamin the Elephant(original German, Benjamin Bluemchen, Benjamin Blossom). I usually leave her to listen and go to the living room.

Then she calls me to turn the tape around!(how does one dub tapes to CDs, anyone?!)

Then she wants to be massaged. Matter of fact, even before she started to talk well, she would say ''sage me mummy', baby talk for 'massage me mummy'

Then she wants to drink water. Then her tummy hurts. Then she needs to cuddle. And so on......until she finally falls asleep. At which point my nerves are usually so frazzled that I need a hug myself!

Now try nursing a baby in addition to that.....and you might understand why I breath a sigh of relief when she's finally asleep.

That is until she wakes up thirsty and can't fall back asleep again. Sigh.

Plant hunting with tired V

I was busy having a baby in spring, and so hadn't yet gotten round to planting up my balcony. We took the opportunity of DH being off work today to head to the garden centre.
We got lost on the way there, because DH was sure he 'knew' the way, and didn't use the navigation system at first. Big sister almost fell asleep on the way there and I had to keep her awake with trivia questions, and also by plying her with mini pretzels.

I gave the little man his first pretzel too. He licked on it and seemed to find the taste interesting. It is amazing how much more relaxed I am with our little baby. I wouldn't have thought of giving big sister a lick of pretzel at this age, and I would have given anyone who tried the evil eye and more.

Anyway, we finally got to the garden center, big sister was awake, but hyper, a sure sign that she was exhausted. she kept climbing all over the shopping trolley. At a point, DH and I were at the other end of the table shopping. And she was supposed to sit quietly in the trolley waiting for us. When she started acting up, DH said, let's act like we don't know her, at the same time she screamed 'papa' at the top of her voice. "No chance", I replied, smiling wildly. We take our entertainment where we can get it folks ;)

To my joy we got the African blue basil plant I had been dreaming of all winter, as well as some other balcony and indoor plants.


I also got two small pots of Xeropegia woodi


The papa, big sister and little brother are sleeping now, leaving me a few minutes to catch my breath and of course blog, before potting our new plants. I will put pictures of our balcony up once we are done.xo

RIP- the beautiful faces of the Dana air crash victims


Please visit the following blog, The Kush chronicles to see a gallery of some of the faces of the air crash victims. May their souls RIP.

Avoidable tragedy- Dana Air crash



I got sick to my stomach yesterday when I heard about the plane crash in Lagos, Nigeria. Stories of the countless families who lost loved ones, over 150 personal stories, have left me incredibly sad.

My friend Delia lost her sister, Kelechi in a plane crash 10 years ago this year and the trauma that she and her family have been through cannot be imagined.

The saddest and most aggravating thing about this crash, is that like many of the crashes before it, this was just a completely avoidable loss of human lives. Sticking to air safety standards, proper maintenance of planes and put bluntly, not purchasing air wrecks in the name of aircrafts in a bid to cut corners would eliminate most of the crashes happening in our country. Not only air crashes, but crashes in basically every sector.

My heart goes out to the families affected - to the family that lost 9 members, to the man that lost his wife and only child on the flight, and countless others. Their deaths must not be in vain. We have to channel this terrible occurrence into forcing change in our society.

There is so much that can be written, both about the reasons why such accidents will continue to happen unless a drastic change is effected, as well as about the sad fact that many Nigerians are desensitized to such tragedies.

Below i share a Facebook post, with permission from the author, for your reflection.

This evening, I called a close friend that we flew back to Lagos from Abuja last week Friday and the first thing he said was that he was in shock and terrified. Why? The same plane we flew MD 5N-RAM. I remember vividly the name RAM as we walked round the plane to board, was the plane that crashed on Sunday - just two days after. There is a but to it.

On friday, as we were descending into Lagos, I remember the pilot saying cabin crew prepare for landing. Quite surprising, no Lagos skyline, it was misty and little or no visibility. Within minutes the plane hit the ground so forcefully that the panel just next to one overhead luggage came off and we could all see the wiring inside the plane. No one talked or said a single word but we knew it was a very bad landing and the plane was tearing apart. Some people brought out their phones and took the picture of the open panel dangling with exposed wiring. If we push and inquire well, they will share the pictures with everyone. The plane was surely falling apart.

That happened on Friday. No one reported to any authority or requested to have the plane grounded. I didn't report, I just considered it as a norm for things that happen in Nigeria. Just like other passengers and the crew probably never did. We all took it for granted. Like we overlook a lot of bad things in Nigeria like

- mediocre doctors who kill our families due to their incompetencies and never get sanctioned or jailed
- irresponsible council chairmen that received payments and never execute such projects
- government that lie to us and just never deliver service
- police brutality that goes unchecked
- touts on the road who reckon it is their right to unduly tax bus drivers
- unwarranted price hikes from greedy sales people
- petrol stations cheating on their gauges and collecting extra 100naira for selling fuel in cans
- PHNC (or NEPA - old school name) charging you for electricity that they never supplied to your house
- greedy airline operators who kill us by flying dilapidated aircrafts because of their greed to make money where they can't sow
- unworthy aviation operators, inept and incapable of monitoring aviation affairs in the country.
- offices operating from 7:30am till 9:30pm only to see people just suddenly dropping dead.

This is just the beginning of a list of what is constantly causing our early death in Nigeria.

I weep for those that lost their lives from this Dana Accident. But it might as well be the beginning of a wake up call for us to demand for a sweeping change in our orientation and demand for what is right. We need to start demanding for quality live and quality service.

In reflection,

I sincerely Thank God for still keeping me alive while in Nigeria despite all these abnormalities.
I Thank God for leading my way and keeping my journey safe - You ain't catching me on any local flight for now. I can jolly well drive the distance.
Since I am still quite alive, I will speak up and demand that we start correcting some abnormalities in Nigeria. If you know anything abnormal that goes around you in Nigeria, kindly put it on the list and start spreading the list around. My list so far is stated below

ABNORMAL LIST (NIGERIA)
================

- greedy airline operators who kill us by flying dilapidated aircrafts because of their greed to make money where they can't sow
- unworthy aviation operators, inept and incapable of monitoring aviation affairs in the country.
- mediocre doctors who kill our families due to their incompetencies and never get sanctioned or jailed
- irresponsible council chairmen that received payments and never execute such projects
- government that lie to us and just never deliver services
- police brutality that goes unchecked
- touts on the road who reckon it is their right to unduly tax bus drivers
- unwarranted price hikes from greedy sales people
- petrol stations cheating on their gauges and collecting extra 100naira for selling fuel in cans
- PHNC (or NEPA - old school name) charging you for electricity that they never supplied to your house
- offices operating from 7:30am till 9:30pm only to see people just suddenly dropping dead.


May the souls of the departed rest in peace, and may the grieving be comforted.

Welcome to my world

It's Friday, V is in play school, and E is asleep. I am taking a minute to catch my breath. I love being a mother. When my children smile at me, or give me a hug, it takes my breath away, literarily. It makes my juggling worthwhile.
I am juggling career, two children and a home. I come from the land where women are taught that you can have it all...fa fa fa foul!
My life has taught me that you can only have it all at a very great expense

1) either you try to do it all yourself with no help, and risk a mental breakdown, or
2) employ people to help you do all you want to do

I am at point number 1) seeking to transition to point number two. Wish me luck!

Let’s talk about how much TV children should be watching

How much TV consumption is deemed health for children varies across cultures. As a mum raising bicultural kids in Germany, my thoughts ...