tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49950205651463425232024-03-21T06:17:54.023-07:00The Mummy JuggleKeeping the 'balls' of kids, family, work, faith and hobbies in the air with a smile. Well mostly. Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-34886659384838121832020-03-07T02:13:00.000-08:002020-03-07T02:25:55.635-08:00Let’s talk about how much TV children should be watching <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;">How much TV consumption is deemed health for children varies across cultures. As a mum raising bicultural kids in Germany, my thoughts about TV consumption have evolved over the years. </span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;">In Germany, families are quite strict about the amount of tv kids watch. Of course, as is usual there is a spectrum. It varies from strictly regulated TV consumption to extremes where kids are carefully shielded from watching TV by parents who are anti tv. Here in Germany, the pediatrician will ask you how much TV your child is watching and give your clear recommendations. They are also vocal with their disapproval if they think your child is watching too much TV. </span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;">We started off with no TV and by the time Tee was 3, she watched 1 hour or so of TV a day. She was only allowed to watch a particular kids channel, where there were no adverts as one of my personal pet peeves is adverts targeting kids.</span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;">It gets trickier with a second child. My son started to watch TV much earlier than his sister, because by the time he was born, she was already watching her hour a day, including Sandmann, that German kids bedtime story phenomenon. </span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;">I remember when E was 2 and we had his annual check up. The pediatrician told me with a disapproving gaze, that I needed to treat each child differently and age appropriately, even with TV. Of course that’s easier said than done. </span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;">We have tried many things over the years, but our general family philosophy with respect to TV consumption has been to allow the kids watch tv, but in a restricted manner, that does not hamper their creativity and creative development. Our TV is installed in a big cabinet, which can be closed as we don’t want to make the TV the key focal point of our living room. We also do not have any TVs in any of our bedrooms. </span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;">Having a dual working parent home, we found about 2 years ago that TV consumption had crept up slowly from 1 hour a day to a point where our son was bargaining to put the TV daily on after completing homework. That was at the high point of my business travel and daddy was a bit more relaxed so he sometimes allowed it. </span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;">They also slowly started to move to Disney and Nickkids etc which had adverts on them. My daughter, indoctrinated from birth about the evils of advert, would change the channel or switch the tv off until adverts were over. Baby boy was not so consequent and sometimes just watched the advert, getting drawn into knowing about all the latest toys! </span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;">We noticed that they had less urges to draw, do crafts, read and role play and just wanted to watch tv. So we had to act. Two years ago we banned TV during the week cold turkey. The funny thing is that it took them less than a week to adjust. It was so much better for the whole family and without TV, we found that the kids could let their imagination wander fully again. </span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;">We did notice a testing of the boundaries, with E wanting to put the TV on at 3pm on Friday since “it’s now weekend......”. This year we have restricted TV even further to only a couple of hours each weekend. </span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;"> Many </span><span class="s3" style="font-size: 18.36px; font-weight: bold;">child</span><span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;"> health advocates have urged parents to </span><span class="s3" style="font-size: 18.36px; font-weight: bold;">limit</span><span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;"> screen time to no more than </span><span class="s3" style="font-size: 18.36px; font-weight: bold;">one</span><span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;"> or two hours a day for </span><span class="s3" style="font-size: 18.36px; font-weight: bold;">kids</span><span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;"> ages 2 and up and that is also similar to German paediatrics recommendation. Spending too much time on screens has been linked to not getting enough sleep, poor grades, and a greater risk of obesity. </span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;">For me, what i noticed most is that when kids watch too much TV, they lose their creative ability, they are easily bored and it seems they fall into self soothing behaviours using TV. It’s amazing what creative stuff your kids will come up with if they don’t have the TV aka electronic grandmother to occupy them. Many people talk about what the kids can learn from educational programs, but I would argue that there are many other ways to learn, including reading. </span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;">I tend to find that many of my British, American and Nigerian friends have a more relaxed attitude to how much tv their kids are watching than I now do, thanks to my German culturalisation. I do realise that every family is different and in times of extreme stress, I must admit, it was a blessing to be able to keep the kids busy for a bit. </span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;">What are your thoughts about TV for your kids? Which of the following groups do you fall into?</span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;">A. I must admit I have never given it much thought </span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;">B. TV is educational for the kids and good for my sanity </span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;">C. I restrict TV consumption for my kids </span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;">D. TV is of the devil </span></div>
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<span class="s2" style="font-size: 18.36px;">I would love to hear your thoughts. </span></div>
Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-5497839098561094322019-04-06T07:39:00.001-07:002020-03-07T01:16:40.125-08:00Why your child needs sufficient sleep <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU5S4B1rcgGclS1_30EqZ2f4VA0Fss-DyYGqvs63oMbKo_ysYho1KG9BZUmw1-Y_9xK3kE4n1mESb3DX1KkM34B0U12-KvMUc8RmEOa2qZWB0lQOLKyeW-cCwvcSYCHi2YBzGJ4OCEmtgB/s1600/Why+sleep+is+important+for+your+children.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="800" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU5S4B1rcgGclS1_30EqZ2f4VA0Fss-DyYGqvs63oMbKo_ysYho1KG9BZUmw1-Y_9xK3kE4n1mESb3DX1KkM34B0U12-KvMUc8RmEOa2qZWB0lQOLKyeW-cCwvcSYCHi2YBzGJ4OCEmtgB/s320/Why+sleep+is+important+for+your+children.png" width="212" /></a></div>
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Sleep deprivation in adults and it’s effects is a widely studied topic. Adults can usually recognise the effects of sleep deprivation in themselves and typically know when it’s time to take a step back and lie in. The effects of sleep deprivation on children on the other hand, is not very widely studied. There is a general feeling that children will show you when they are tired and will always get the sleep they need.<br />
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Generally most people agree on bedtimes for children between 8 and 9 pm, but wake up times are typically driven by our work or school schedules. Many of us would have had the experience of talking with a friend at 10:30 pm and heard children screaming in the background or perhaps it is your own children who jump all around until they fall into bed at 11 pm? So how much sleep does a child really need and will they show you how much sleep they need?<br />
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The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends the following average amount of sleep for children.<br />
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Infants under 1 year: 12-16 hours<br />
Children 1-2 years old: 11-14 hours<br />
Children 3-5 years old: 10-13 hours<br />
Children 6-12 years old: 9-12 hours<br />
Teenagers 13-18 years old: 8-10 hours<br />
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I can hear some people thinking, “my child is different, he/she does not need so much sleep”. I urge you to read further with an open mind.<br />
While I am not a sleep professional, I started to study this topic in 2009. My daughter was around 6 months old and she had grown out of the infant phase and that child would just not go to sleep. As she grew older, it only got worse. In fact, she usually seemed even more awake at 8pm than at 8am. She would seem so super active and super awake and I tended to fall asleep while reading to her. She would wake me up, I would sing, massage etc all to no avail and then she would all of a sudden fall deeply asleep, leaving me exhausted and frustrated. That was when I started to read books about sleep and learn about how important it is and what impact it has on a child’s development and temperament.<br />
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There is a lot of research that shows that children who regularly get sufficient sleep have improved attention, behavior, learning, memory, and overall mental and physical health. Sleep contributes to proper physical and mental development and wellbeing of your kids. Sleep deprivation on the other hand has a number of negative effects.<br />
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Difficulty managing emotions is one of the signs of sleep deprivation. Sometime it’s obvious that your child is misbehaving because they are exhausted, sometimes it’s not so obvious. That clingy, whiny, anxious child might actually be tired. They can’t tell you what they need and sometimes they don’t even realise it themselves, so that they instead slip into the tone and behaviour of much younger children. All children have difficulty managing their emotions when they are tired, but more temperamental kids even more. If your child is hitting, biting or throwing unnecessary temper tantrums, beyond what is normal for their developmental phase, sleep deprivation might just be the culprit. If your child suffers from constant headaches or is susceptible to infections, it’s worth it tracking how much sleep they are actually getting. Sleep deprivation might be causing their immune system to be weakened. Older kids might have difficulty focusing in school, difficulty getting along with others and might be excessively forgetful when they are dealing with sleep deprivation. Not getting enough sleep<br />
can also lead to high blood pressure, obesity and even depression.<br />
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It’s not always easy to recognize that your child is sleep deprived because the quest to stay alert is so strong for children that instead of getting drowsy, many of them get “wired”. Their behaviour will tend to appear wild rather than tired as long as the stimulation levels are high enough to keep them awake. This is sometimes the reason why tired children argue, fight their siblings, chase pets etc in an attempt to create enough commotion to stay awake. You can also recognise the signs when they insist on having the tv and radio turned on much higher and are shouting above the din! Sleep deprivation adds up and creeps up on you. That means that a child who missed sleep on Friday night might be misbehaving on Monday, but it won’t be obvious except if you are aware that sleep deprivation can<br />
be cumulative, especially for children.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrbwerHXOFUPKs8NnVsR1-gdTXlQl5bq-_sFt0sGrQAlXWl3Q0grjoyWP_smE57RS4MettAKbQx6iBDStKxeHOxuund1jRzQIPDa-9BQ13-lZg4_jMoxQmv6sbBnlBeqj_v0tbduemmmey/s1600/www.themummyjuggle.com.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrbwerHXOFUPKs8NnVsR1-gdTXlQl5bq-_sFt0sGrQAlXWl3Q0grjoyWP_smE57RS4MettAKbQx6iBDStKxeHOxuund1jRzQIPDa-9BQ13-lZg4_jMoxQmv6sbBnlBeqj_v0tbduemmmey/s320/www.themummyjuggle.com.png" width="320" /></a>Studies show that up to 20% of the children who have been diagnosed with ADHD actually have a sleep disorder. According to a sleep researcher, an estimated 69% of American children are not getting enough sleep. Looking at the schedules in many Nigerian cities, especially Lagos, I am tempted to think the stats are even worse, although I don’t have any research to back this up.<br />
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For me, the first positive effect of understanding the effect of sleep deprivation was that it helped me be more patient. When you know your child is misbehaving, not because they want to disgrace you or because you are a bad parent, but because they are tired, you can deal with their behaviour in a more constructive manner. Rather than shouting or beating them, you should be doing the opposite. When you are calm and firm and provide sensitive responses to your child’s sleep related misbehaviour, you can help them calm down and actually relax and sleep.<br />
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Apart from a busy life schedule, tension can also prevent children from being able to go to sleep and sleep well. Tension can be triggered distress or excitement. Common triggers for distress include parental stress, separations, upsetting events, major life changes (e.g. starting school) and ironically, lack of sleep.<br />
Common triggers for excitement include overstimulation ( too much input - iPad, tv etc), over scheduling ( too many activities in a day), anticipation, competition/pressure to perform and growth spurts.<br />
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Since some of these triggers cannot be avoided, if you become familiar with the things that distress or excite your child, you can take steps to help your child relax. As a result, the intensity of the emotions will not overwhelm him and he’ll be ready at bedtime for sleep.<br />
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Tips for improving your child’s sleep behaviour<br />
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1. Start the day slowly with a calm breakfast. Avoid blaring TV or radio at breakfast so your family can start the day peacefully.<br />
2. Take time out to just listen to your child. Listening instead of responding diffuses tension. Children usually have a lot to talk about after school, my own son likes to tell me about his day at bedtime<br />
3. Slow down the pace of your day - if the kids are over scheduled, reduce one activity. Try to avoid major exciting events in the evenings or close to bedtime. If you have to take your child to a party at night, keep in mind that they will be sleep deprived the next day except if they get a chance to sleep longer and have a calmer day, so keep in mind you will need to bemore patient with them the next day.<br />
4. Create special downtime’s during the day - time without TV or iPads when the kids craft or read novels or play with Lego. In our household, TV is completely banned during the week.<br />
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5. If possible, make the room a nest, serene and solely for sleeping and not jumping up and down on the bed.<br />
6. Hold, touch and hug your child often. Touch has a healing and calming effect, even on adults but it’s vital for children.<br />
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I encourage you to try and identify the patterns in your child. Discovering their unique pattern is like solving a challenging puzzle and you’ll be delighted by the success have.<br />
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It’s also good to keep in mind that each child is different. Unlike my daughter, my son found it easier to go to sleep and was more in tune with his sleep needs from the beginning. I remember he would ask to be put to bed like clockwork at 7:30pm each day and would be asleep within 5 minutes of his head hitting the bed. While he now goes to bed at between 8pm & 8:30pm, he still rarely has difficulty falling asleep. The fact that by the time he was born, I knew a lot more about the effects of sleep and how to help children get the sleep they need has obviously also helped. My son needs more sleep than his sister and cannot handle a sleep deficit as well as his sister can. So my approach to the sleep needs of both kids is individual. I teach them to be self aware of their needs with respect to sleep and how sleep deficiency affects them and I encourage you to talk about it with your kids.<br />
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I wish you good luck on your own journey of better sleep for your kids. Please let me know if this information was helpful.<br />
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Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-65200566097688873732018-03-10T09:14:00.001-08:002018-03-10T09:24:15.840-08:00On working mums: A baby or a cat? Why not both?<div>
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I remember that day in Cologne. It was 2006 and the German football World Cup was playing in Germany. A few of us from work would leave work during the early evenings to watch matches at the various viewing locations across the city. I can’t remember exactly which countries had just played, but it had been an exciting match and we were chatting on the way to the cars. </div>
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I can’t clearly recollect what we were talking about, but it was likely about children because a female colleague suddenly turned to me and said “you have to decide what you want, children or a career. If you want a career get a cat.” </div>
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I carried the anxiety along with me for years since I am an ambitious woman and I love to push boundaries, but I have always wanted to have children ever since I can remember. So I it was difficult deciding on the right time to have a baby without having to automatically end my career ambitions. <br />
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<em><span style="color: #cc0000;">Yes I can finally say it aloud without feeling ashamed that I have a fierce drive for achievement inside me. I was almost 38 when I started to own this part of me that has always been with me since I can remember. I am ambitious and I own my fierce ambition unapologetically. As long as I don’t have to do anything illegal, dubious or harmful to my family, I will give whatever I have to bring whatever I set my heart to to fruition. And I have set my heart to quite a bit. Watch this space.</span> </em><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgICayoNuMGNPOuhkupqEKi8XTxebJX0Td7muj8K2uY2n66HRiPJWJk-w5-rkckWMrT0TbbRfxJykLCgNyJNS9HpyeeCzwac0A8Ddcr_lidFBgP2-onqWZucQI13nX9PRU2LyEIOrSnImY5/s1600/IMG_6296.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgICayoNuMGNPOuhkupqEKi8XTxebJX0Td7muj8K2uY2n66HRiPJWJk-w5-rkckWMrT0TbbRfxJykLCgNyJNS9HpyeeCzwac0A8Ddcr_lidFBgP2-onqWZucQI13nX9PRU2LyEIOrSnImY5/s320/IMG_6296.JPG" width="320" /></a>Luckily, the decision was taken out of my hands and I found out I was pregant in 2008 and I had my daughter. I absolutely loved and love being a mother and she quickly became the center of my life. I took time completely off work for 8 months. At some point I decided to go back to work and I was grateful to work for a company and live in a society that gives parents the opportunity to work part time. Once I started work though, at 10 hours per week, I found that those number of hour were too limited for me to be able to work on anything too exciting or challenging. So I started to increase the number of hours I worked. Eventually by year 2 of my parental leave, I was working 30 hours a week and I was finally working on something exciting, tasking and challenging. I became pregant ith my sn that year and up until 8 months pregnancy I was commuting once a week and I was often mind numbingly tired but was never bored and never regretted going back to work. </div>
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When my son came in the spring of 2012, I was sure I would not be working part time. It was either I was working in a challenging role, which typically meant working full time or I was not going to work at all until I was ready. I had sent in my application for parental leave for a period when I happened on the perfect role for me. It was exactly what I had been looking for, but unfortunately the timing was a bit off. As I had expected there was no chance to do that job part time. I had a 5 month old baby and I had to decide what to do. </div>
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I spent time in prayer asking for a signal that it was the right job for me to take. For me in the that period, the right signal needed to take the form of flexible childcare. Someone who would come in and watch the baby at home while I worked so I could continue to breastfeed. God answered my prayers and R came into our lives. She had just turned 60 and had been recently widowed. Lonely and grieving, we were as much an answer to her prayers as she was to ours. She has become like a grandmother to my kids, gone on business trips with me and the baby and become a part of our extended family. </div>
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I now have the baby and the pet ( in our case two hamsters) and a job that challenges and excites me. <br />
Has it been easy and without bumps? No I wouldn’t say so. But we have found our own solution that has helped us ensure having a successful career and children are not mutually exclusive for me. </div>
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I remember reading a section of an biography of Michelle Obama and she said something to the effect that you need to get it all done, but you don’t need to get it all done yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask for or get help in your quest for work life balance. I can confidently say it has not made me a worse mother of less connected to my kids, just a less stressed out working mum. Don’t be afraid to look for your own unique solution. </div>
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Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-58205088394152653972016-11-19T01:57:00.000-08:002016-11-19T02:41:40.931-08:00Good networkers are bornI am an excellent networker. In non work situations, that is. I find it easy to converse with absolute strangers on a whole range of diverse topics and even where I know nothing about said topic, I always manage to walk away learning something new about said topic and have a nice time while doing so.<br />
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Some of my closest friends are people I met because I decided to say hello and make small talk in situations where on the surface, there was no reason to "talk". </div>
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Let me share a few examples:</div>
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I met O at the hairdressers. She was getting her hair done and engrossed in her book. I ended up chatting her up, found out that she is also Nigerian. We exchanged business cards and I got in touch. </div>
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We have become close friends and 10 years down the line, my husband and I are godparents to her second daughter. O also now belongs to my lean in circle and we are sharing tips for career advancement. </div>
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A and I crossed paths as I was leaving the library and she was going in. We smiled, said hi, started talking and decided to go grab a drink together. </div>
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Over a decade of friendship has followed and we get along so well including with our spouses. </div>
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A is an amazingly talented woman and she coached me very successfully when I had two key interviews. Being that I'm an engineer, I am not very good at self marketing and her coaching really helped me learn to tell my story better. </div>
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Apart from the fact that she is a fantastic coach, we value her friendship and that of her husband and in spite of the fact that they moved back to the US, we hope to keep in touch more often in the future</div>
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When I lived in Moscow, I made two key friendships in this manner. </div>
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The first one was Sergey. Sergey and I met in a bus on the way from Novomoskovsk to Moscow. This was in the spring of 1998. At that time, I was in Russian language school and I could not speak good Russian yet. Sergey saw that I was reading an English book and struck up a conversation with me. He ended up showing me the Red Square for the very first time. We have kept in touch over the years. </div>
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The second person was Alexander aka Sasha. He just randomly started talking to me one day on the Metro in Moscow ( Russians do that all the time " Devoshka, mozhno s Vami poznokomitsa?" Can I get to know you? is a common refrain any woman who has spent a bit of time in Moscow will recognize). </div>
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It turned out he was a photographer and I ended up doing some modeling for him for some sports and car magazines, which was a cool way to make some money as a student.</div>
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I met his family and also developed a good relationship with them. Just writing this brings back memories of tons of shashlik (grill) parties in the forests of Moscow. Sasha and I are also back in touch thanks to facebook. </div>
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So why am I writing this seemingly random post? The fact is that I am not as effortlessly adept as I am in Networking on my private time, when it comes to professional Settings.</div>
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I have been giving a thought to why that is the case and have come up with tips that will help you as well if you struggle in the same manner.<br />
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1) be authentic: I know it may sound like a cliche, but this is really key. My authentic self likes people. I enjoy learning about people collecting their stories and I am never too upset if they decide not to share. However, in my experience, sometimes we tend to put on 'work personas' which dictate what types of behaviors are appropriate at work and what are not. </div>
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I have committed to being myself absolutely in every networking situation. That means if someone catches my fancy I won't hesitate to try to get into conversation. Just try it and you will see most people are intrigued and you will be chatting on before you know it. This is how I met my best career mentor to date. <br />
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2) take the first step: I just read something recently about giving a little first. Many people feel just as awkward in professional networking situations so smile first and say hello first. You'll be surprised at the responses you will get. </div>
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3) make eye contact. Not in a threatening manner, but in an open friendly manner. I find that many times when I'm preoccupied I tend not to make eye contact and it automatically creates a barrier and puts people off from talking to you. </div>
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4) Small talk can lead to interesting discussions, so don't be afraid of small talk. </div>
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5) cultivate a friendly welcoming exterior. Even if you are too shy to take the first step, looking welcoming will embolden others to take the first step in talking to you. </div>
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6) you are as good as everyone else: in certain types of upbringing older people or more successful people are the top of the pack. So younger or more junior people would typically wait to be approached or try to be introduced to them. Shed that behavior and attitude fast. It will not help you advance in your career. Always feel on equal levels with everyone.</div>
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Of course I am not encouraging you to be inappropriate, so learn to recognize the thin line between inappropriateness and self confidence. </div>
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If these tips help you, please let me know and share any tips you may have with me in the comment section. </div>
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Stay safe, x.<br />
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Read this article on Networking: <a href="https://www.thebalance.com/top-career-networking-tips-2062604">https://www.thebalance.com/top-career-networking-tips-2062604</a><br />
Book tip: 'How to work a room. Your essential guide to Savvy socializing.' - Susan Roane</div>
Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-4305171664914822992016-04-22T13:07:00.001-07:002016-04-22T13:12:08.084-07:00Random musings: on my love of languages<br />
Yesterday night at a work dinner somewhere near the Donau a colleague complimented me on my German. She had been surprised to hear I only moved here as an adult after university. I was tickled, as I am sometimes when German friends calling our house phone are sometimes surprised that it's me on our end because my phone voice apparently sounds very German, lol. I don't think my German is perfect though (lemme write a disclaimer here)writing work emails in German is a painstaking task, probably has to do with having a streak of perfectionism in me. <br />
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I never knew I had a gift for languages while I was growing up. I spoke only English until secondary school. I understood Yoruba, because my parents spoke it at home, but I only really started learning it in JS 1( I did have it in primary 5 where I was even worse than my Filipino friend). I loved learning about Yoruba culture and was absolutely fascinated by Yoruba proverbs. I eventually took the subject for my SSCE and even made an A! <br />
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I had French in junior secondary. I wasn't too bad, but I wasn't too good either. I think I got mostly comfortable Cs. I do have mildly fond memories of my French teacher. She was from somewhere in French speaking west Africa, married to a Nigerian man and had a fascinating foreign way about her. I still retain some words, I can say hi and introduce myself and say I only understand "en petit peu" ( a little bit) of French. <br />
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So I didn't see it coming that I would become fluent in Russian and German as an adult. I love languages, I love the understanding of a culture and the mentality of a people that comes with knowing their language, culture, history and proverbs. It might also have something to do with the fact that the half of my personality that I got from my dad is absolute extroverted. <br />
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If you ask my dad, I got it from him: he likes to tell us the story of how he went for his youth service in the north in the 70s and mastered Hausa in the one year that he was there. So perhaps it's a genetic trait? <br />
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My professor in University was a huge fan and widely propagated the fact that African students learnt Russian so quickly so well. My theory is that because most of us grow up bilingual, we have an ear for languages, especially when immersed in it. <br />
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The immersion bit is important, or at least has been for me. I have tried learning Dutch while not living in the Netherlands, it hasn't worked as well sadly. I'm just too lazy to study a language just because. I know enough to show off though, lol. <br />
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If you happen to live anywhere where a different language is spoken, I would encourage you to learn. You never know when you might need it, plus, frankly it opens up new fascinating worlds. <br />
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Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-13257947357063996862016-02-12T12:26:00.001-08:002019-04-06T07:58:55.863-07:00BT storiesHe got on at Halfenbach strasse tram stop. Dressed in a light black summer jacket, in spite of the cold winter rain outside, he immediately caught her eye.<br />
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As her eye ran slowly up and down appraising his light jeans, partly pushed up on one leg to expose his ankle, and the grey with speckled ankle socks which looked like they were stuffed with some material to prevent water or cold air from entering his worn out black and red Nike shoes, she began to feel sorry for him. </div>
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"Poor guy, I wonder if he is getting off at the same station I am at." </div>
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"Perhaps I should offer to buy him new shoes. But how does one approach a complete stranger and offer to buy them new shoes?"</div>
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Then she stopped in her mental tracks, struck by the prejudice- the pre-judgement that she had undertaken. </div>
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There could be many reasons after all, and perfectly legitimate reasons too why he was dressed as shabbily. </div>
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"Maybe he is off to the football pitch"she thought, "people sometimes dress down to play football." </div>
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"Or maybe he is painting his new apartment this evening and of course has dressed down to avoid damaging good clothes. Hmmmm, but he doesn't have any baggage that looks like painting supplies. Just a cloth gym bag. </div>
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Perhaps he is a drug addict and spends all of his money chasing that next high. That would explain it, and well I would be willing to buy him new shoes but definitely not give him some money.</div>
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As the different thoughts went through her mind, each new thought more ludicrous than the previous one, the tram rolled slowly to a stop. </div>
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" This station is Zurich Central" please be careful when leaving the train" announced the driver as the tram drew slowly to a stop. The doors opened and the young man left the train leaving her with many unanswered questions. </div>
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But she didn't have too much time to brood because the next station was hers and she hurriedly scampered out and promptly forgot about him. </div>
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Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-17862697826628166882015-10-22T20:42:00.001-07:002015-10-22T20:47:12.336-07:00My skincare regimen.<div>
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I have always had oily acne prone skin. At least since I became a teenager. Since I had my kids, my skin has changed such that it's not only oil and acne I have to battle, but now dry patches of skin as well. Sigh. </div>
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So I've been doing a bit of research on how to improve my skin condition. One of my aims for this year was to go for a facial every 6 weeks or so. Alas with a busy work schedule and trying to spend every spare moment with the kids, I just don't have time to go for facials. So the last time I had a facial was in April or so. </div>
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So here are the basic things I've learnt</div>
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1) Never sleep in make up. Unfortunately, I've had to break this rule more than once due to sheer exhaustion. However, it's immediate obvious whenever I have slept in make up. Pimples start to pop up all over. Keep a pack of facial wipes for when you are too exhausted. </div>
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2) have had very good experience using an oil balm to first dissolve the make up before washing it off. I highly recommend Clinique "take the day off" balm. </div>
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You can also make your own cleansing balm, there are many tutorials on YouTube. </div>
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3) Do not use a soapy/foamy face wash even if you have oily skin. These dry the skin excessively and don't really help the acne problem. Instead, use creamy cleansers. Thoroughly massage your cleanser on slightly pre wetted face and then take of with a face towel that had been soaked in warm to hot water. You will find that your pores open more to get the impurities out. </div>
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I have used creamy cleaners from the body shop, Dawn Lorraine (in the cover photo of this post), Mary Kay etc. I used all may left over foaming or soapy facial washes for my body. </div>
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4) Use a toner after cleansing your skin. In fact, use two toners: a moisturizing and an exfoliating toner. You can also alternate with the moisturizing toner in the morning and exfoliating toner at night or vice versa. The "lotion P50" from Biologique Recherché is one I can recommend. Clarins Duox exfoliant is also a good one, albeit slightly irritating for my skin. </div>
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5) Use facial masks at least once or twice a week. In addition to clay masks, I recently discovered yeast masks. </div>
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Masque Vivant from Biologique Recherché seems to be a cult favorite. I have tried it twice this week as recommended for acne prone skin: mixed with a bit of water and baking soda. I am surprised at how open my pores are. </div>
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6) At least once a week, use a moisturizing mask, or start using night creams designed to infuse moisture into your skin, especially as you approach your forties. </div>
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7) Cleanse your makeup tools regularly, especially your foundation brush, otherwise you are only incubating bacteria to recolonize your skin. </div>
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8) Let your skin breathe every opportunity you get. For me, that means staying make up free when I'm at home. As I work half a week from home office, that helps a lot. </div>
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9) Last but not least, sleep well and at least 7 hours daily. Sleep is the best facial. Still working on this last tip myself ;)</div>
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I hope these skin care tips were useful. Comment below and share your own tips.</div>
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Copyright: Tolu Lush<br />
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Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-73189710053322370012015-10-01T13:58:00.001-07:002015-10-18T14:17:59.485-07:00How to pack for business travels<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">I have been a regular business traveller for 3 years now. While traveling for work was something I thought was exciting when I didn't have much business travel, I must admit the excitement wears off pretty quickly. Nights in hotel beds is overrated and it's rare to get the opportunity to actually see much of whatever city I'm visiting. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">1) Being a mum of fairly young kids, I want to get fairly in and out, which means that for short trips, I almost always stick to hand luggage.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Waiting for luggage can cost you precious time, especially if you have a connecting train. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">2) if you are going on a long trip and need to check in your luggage, make sure you carry some essentials in your hand luggage. A couple of years ago, some female colleagues had to attend a Monday morning meeting in their trainers and comfy clothes ( which were not even close to business casual :) because the airline lost their luggage between London and Amsterdam. It took so long to get their luggage that they had to do some clothes shopping. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">3)most hotel chains have good basic toiletries, so most times you only need to take the barest minimum with you. My facial care products, deodorant, toothpaste and brush and make up. I also carry <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">a dense cream or Shea butter in a small repurposed Vaseline tin because I have dry skin and most hotel creams are light. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">4) even if you will be wearing heels for the office, always pack a pair of flats. You never know if you might have to walk a lot. If possible, travel in flats because God forbid, if there is an emergency, your heels might hinder you. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">5) You can either hand wash your tops or use the hotel laundry service, so you don't need to pack too many items of clothing. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">6) invest in a small card holder for the minimum number of cards you will need on your trip. Always have some cash on hand, you never know where you will need an out of pocket expense. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">6) even if it's an easy going trip, always have a blazer or jacket with you. You can dress it up or down, but it will help you look polished. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">7)always carry a tampon or sanitary towel in your luggage. I am so busy I often don't realize it's that time of the month. I have had cases when Aunt Flo decided to visit when I was away from home. Get some diaper disposal bags for used sanitary products. They usually smell so nice. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">8) always have some hairpins handy. You never know when you might have a bad hair day. For the same reason, also have a small tub of hair gel. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">9) I always take some teabags with me. I love to drink tea. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">10) a silk scarf can be used for many things. I always pack my favorite blue silk scarf when traveling. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">11) fold a cloth or plastic bag and keep it in your luggage. You might need those for dirty clothes. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">12) rather than carry books, you should download an e-reader and buy Ebooks. That will help you save space in your luggage. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">13)if possible, get your boarding passes and any tickets via mobile apps. This saves you lugging papers around or losing your ticket. Some apps I use are passbook, DB navigator, my taxi etc. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">14)since you will be using your mobile a lot, get yourself a power bank. Or at least make sure your phone is fully charged before setting off. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">15) also on the issue of electronics, get yourself a travel charger for your laptop. They are slimmer, can be dismantled for easier packing and the one I have also has a usb connection so I can charge my phone and other devices on it. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">16) where possible, book your trips via your company authorized travel agencies. If, God forbid, something happens on your trip, it would make it easier to trace you. Also, it helps establish who you are. I recently forgot my wallet with my IDs and credit cards in my car at the airport in another city, but I had no problem checking into my hotel, because I had done the booking properly and I could even check out without my card as the number was given in manually and I signed off. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">I will be updating this post regularly should other tips occur to me. Cheers. </span></div>
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Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-6854824051346378042015-09-22T18:42:00.001-07:002015-09-22T18:49:39.402-07:00Obamas welcome Pope Francis and.........what instantly struck me about the first set of pictures is that I love the skirt the younger Obama daughter, Sasha was wearing ( I'm not usually this shallow, but I love great clothes ;))<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil06m-DunPU0PerilVAeQLmZeFZ7Ma5ayPjBUuAGEdi1kP25qEgEP7-NAFSjZR01jrL0sp3IK4e01OC6u_iiOLEMSNvHymefUzPftraVWFvXBEchHcoR15Z__G9rRNq2UrVKuul5h-OGHf/s640/blogger-image-264174358.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil06m-DunPU0PerilVAeQLmZeFZ7Ma5ayPjBUuAGEdi1kP25qEgEP7-NAFSjZR01jrL0sp3IK4e01OC6u_iiOLEMSNvHymefUzPftraVWFvXBEchHcoR15Z__G9rRNq2UrVKuul5h-OGHf/s640/blogger-image-264174358.jpg"></a></div>Image credit: Tony Gentile/Reuters</div><div>I have since found via Google that the skirt she is wearing is the Kate Spade Colour block skirt. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3aDmkRU71Cjz4x1BSxfftbKsVpzvWuFheoXCR2NNrV1vNqc2uc7b4u-btJG6GgAHD_BOfmSCnqf95syIvNMveggBWS1kNDfcRqVBF47aU2soT3dD4GZtXnqjqelJLZs1MLNzC88CiC4d2/s640/blogger-image-852649490.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3aDmkRU71Cjz4x1BSxfftbKsVpzvWuFheoXCR2NNrV1vNqc2uc7b4u-btJG6GgAHD_BOfmSCnqf95syIvNMveggBWS1kNDfcRqVBF47aU2soT3dD4GZtXnqjqelJLZs1MLNzC88CiC4d2/s640/blogger-image-852649490.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Off to search for a warm dupe.....</div><br></div>Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-45636277859844624232015-09-01T20:08:00.001-07:002015-09-06T21:55:03.401-07:00SWM and how to go from idea to actually doing stuffI started this blog with the idea to have content for mothers juggling career and family. I have had this idea in my head for the longest time, but didn't think I had enough time or willpower to push it through by muself, so I asked a friend to do it with me. She didn't share my dream, so after one post 3 or so years ago, she kind of faded off the scene of this blog. I have tried to keep the blog going, not as successfully as I could be arguably as I really do have a busy life and multiple interests.<br />
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So I was delighted and impressed when I stumbled on the Super Working Mum Facebook page over a year ago. From what I can see, she had a similar idea to me, but she actually pushed it through! I was amazed at how large the group became ( over 2500 members and counting, before she moved to the new Empowering Christian Mums group which is also rapidly growing). She had published a Super Working Mum book ( amazing book, check it out on Amazon <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Super-Working-Mum-Living-Fullest/dp/0956148417" target="_blank">HERE</a> ), has a paid inner circle of ladies she moderates, holds regular retreats, takes on clients for one on one coaching, does tech and design work and is currently working on a journal, while juggling her family life with two kids! Talk about a Super Working Mum!</div>
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I have learnt a few things from why SWM succeeded, which I think might be helpful to anyone embarking on a project irrespective of what type of project it is. </div>
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1) Invest in a mentor/ coach: I had several months of coaching this year and it was really helpful. Coaching and mentoring is something which is done very often in the corporate world and I wonder why many of us do not consider it in our private businesses and day to day lives. It helps you learn from someone who has gone on a similar path before and has good insight. No need to reinvent the wheel from scratch if you can just get a plan to start off from someone else and build up on it. Way more efficient. </div>
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2) Outsource everything you can: if you are reading this blog, you are likely a mother who is also busy either in your career or business. Learn to outsource where you can and focus your energy on areas where you can bring true value. This relates both to business and daily life. There are many e-companies that you can outsource various elements of your projects to. I will do a post on that soon. You should also get help around the house if you can afford to so that you can focus your energy in your family and be able to spend quality time with them. I wasted valuable time designing a banner and logo for this blog. Next time I update, I will be outsourcing the tech bit. Someone else who does this on a daily basis will be able to finish this quicker and faster that I ever could, while also doing a better job. </div>
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3) Define who your target audience is - where many people make mistakes is in trying to be all things to all people. In lean sigma projects you have to define strictly what is in your project scope and what is not. You also have to define what area this will be applied to. If you have a product that can do anything for anyone, it's not likely to do very well. Try to get a picture of your ideal customer and keep them in mind when designing your product. An example could be "Christian mothers that homeschool" or "mid 30s guys who likes to cook" etc. </div>
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4) Pray - sometimes we have desires and it's important to make sure that they are aligned with the perfect will and purpose of God for our lives. Not a ideas need to be given life and we should seek divine insight and guidance in our decision making. </div>
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5) Stop thinking, just do it: this is the area in which I struggle the most. It might have something to do with me being a perfectionist engineer. I always try to remind myself that <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Done is better than perfect". There are many project that I have still birthed because of this. </span></div>
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6) Do not be afraid to kill some projects: if you are like me and have many interests, you will generate lots of ideas. Some ideas are good and some are bad. Some ideas should never have seen the light of day. You can also finish a project by admitting that it will never happen and closing the page on it. Like that language you have wanted to learn for 20 years, or the quilt you started making 5 years ago or the dead end volunteering you are doing which is not bringing any joy or value to you. Killing off dead-end projects is like decluttering, it helps you free space for more important things and also helps you breath better. </div>
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Make a list of the dead end projects in your life and start killing them one by one. In fact we should do a "<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Kill a project today" challenge. Write in the comment box about a project you will be killing today. </span></div>
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7) Do not be afraid of competition: As Aloted wrote in the SWM book, the only person you are in competition with is yourself. Have the self confidence to be yourself and "Do You"!</div>
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Can you think of any further tips? If you are reading this and you can, please share! </div>
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Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-62909207097288115762015-06-24T02:46:00.001-07:002015-09-01T19:56:49.926-07:00Ladies weekend getaway to Faro 1I was away with some girlfriends for an extended weekend away in Algarve Portugal. My friend F turned 40 and she invited us all to join her on the trip there. <div>Even though I travel a lot for business, this was my first non work trip without my kids or husband since my daughter was born, so I was quite nervous. </div><div>As we had finished boarding and were waiting to start taxiing, I suddenly saw that I had had a missed call from my kids kindergarten which never happens. I called them back only to be told me son had thrown up so needed to be picked up. My nanny had picked him up, but I had a panic attack as that had never happened. To make matters worse, the air steward was sitting right behind me and sternly told me to switch off my phone. So I had to. I spent the over 3 hour duration of the flight praying for the best and immediately we landed, first thing I did was call home. Thank God he was okay and hadn't thrown up again. </div><div><br><div>Everyone else flew in from London and I arrived at the airport about 4 hours ahead of them. After a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows from Costa, I decided to go out and explore Faro. I found the local bus, purchase a ticket to the city centre, which was about 5km away for 2.22 euros, dragged my luggage and off I went!!!</div></div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1_XNlobKNOhsxBDykkgVfY-rl7D4gDxfZHqyCTFAODu1qzlzkM7m5S3LZuxmcIpu7LFguI6OUqddYWsewNwlb1m2HYmXt2PK_LdisBRH8VHJpgBcZra7MSdhhVn5wIiubsLVAVNuvyXTI/s640/blogger-image--1552842385.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1_XNlobKNOhsxBDykkgVfY-rl7D4gDxfZHqyCTFAODu1qzlzkM7m5S3LZuxmcIpu7LFguI6OUqddYWsewNwlb1m2HYmXt2PK_LdisBRH8VHJpgBcZra7MSdhhVn5wIiubsLVAVNuvyXTI/s640/blogger-image--1552842385.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I really loved the architecture in Portugal. The old houses have tiling on the outside walls and they just look really nice. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3uA_EH09SeGztwsu0CSyt1R0uHlGdyXMOdYi0NMVILUwDc5Bmqlbv3KWtwJXg0clGF7_NGm-0njLxMNu-0nDIf44yp_quNP8qQ09QFpbcoETFN0fuBc4jfFVhhZwS113ZFZBg6NIzDsCy/s640/blogger-image--1835548845.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3uA_EH09SeGztwsu0CSyt1R0uHlGdyXMOdYi0NMVILUwDc5Bmqlbv3KWtwJXg0clGF7_NGm-0njLxMNu-0nDIf44yp_quNP8qQ09QFpbcoETFN0fuBc4jfFVhhZwS113ZFZBg6NIzDsCy/s640/blogger-image--1835548845.jpg"></a></div></div><br></div><div>As I walked down the street taking pictures, I walked into a street full of old houses, many of which were boarded up. </div><div><br></div><div>1878 Hostel is located right in the middle of that street of old houses.</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBT1QaPe7zQ_j5ZaljDD8RVfidBQQRrClNa0x5swkLxz0HD4nrJulwDdRe4e1dMJK1VqN3OjVf7xyreWpCO6ng0ARFRwS1Wvn51HHkOUWQFP2f56i1hCVVbdxySBY15JGlqL30LqhH_lb-/s640/blogger-image--1106476965.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBT1QaPe7zQ_j5ZaljDD8RVfidBQQRrClNa0x5swkLxz0HD4nrJulwDdRe4e1dMJK1VqN3OjVf7xyreWpCO6ng0ARFRwS1Wvn51HHkOUWQFP2f56i1hCVVbdxySBY15JGlqL30LqhH_lb-/s640/blogger-image--1106476965.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The hostel door was open and as I peered through the doorway to look at the interesting architecture, a young man came out of the office and asked if I wanted a tour of the hostel. Of course I said yes and after dragging my luggage to safety, I followed him inside. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The house is over 200 years old and was renovated and turned into a hostel a year ago. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">It's definitely something to keep in mind if you are looking for cheap accommodation in faro. It looked well planned and quite delightful. I took many pictures and will let you judge for your selves. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitjEiJD54zj_jKDCUhtd93H3CTZGP38L8hsGIRzvC8fJP8ZpUeRo5TuAeVUPDDnZ7Bs2maxRL2jeHxIzWfs8QOHeU3wJPhmN2IFTj_fbF9RGaboJCFNQiC8lzkM2bk9_lOsLwVMnG8Me-u/s640/blogger-image--1157976379.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitjEiJD54zj_jKDCUhtd93H3CTZGP38L8hsGIRzvC8fJP8ZpUeRo5TuAeVUPDDnZ7Bs2maxRL2jeHxIzWfs8QOHeU3wJPhmN2IFTj_fbF9RGaboJCFNQiC8lzkM2bk9_lOsLwVMnG8Me-u/s640/blogger-image--1157976379.jpg"></a></div></div><br></div><div>After I said my goodbyes, I walked to the delightful harbor. </div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOJiH_h-9nE9GUrOTIA5CFkev22guUe7LnN8FsjGad7wNEWMnH1YmlZUU3tNWvi5mVVmfuOKO434gqz3ZqO7MjyT9LNa-snkZyXqfDlJdfSkdl71EPVcCAJ-y8Y_zRnMPX0920tRMob8wE/s640/blogger-image--2063178524.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOJiH_h-9nE9GUrOTIA5CFkev22guUe7LnN8FsjGad7wNEWMnH1YmlZUU3tNWvi5mVVmfuOKO434gqz3ZqO7MjyT9LNa-snkZyXqfDlJdfSkdl71EPVcCAJ-y8Y_zRnMPX0920tRMob8wE/s640/blogger-image--2063178524.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>There was lots of information on renting boats, boat trips and nature trips. </div><div>I picked up loads of info material and then I headed back to the airport, with a few minutes to spare. </div><div><br></div><div>The other ladies arrived soon afterwards. After we had done the introductions, we found our shuttle driver, loaded our luggage and drove off to Albufeira about 30km from Faro, where our villa was located.</div><div><br></div>Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-65276811276852603712015-06-17T13:49:00.001-07:002015-06-18T00:18:51.291-07:00Guidance on reproducing my posts <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: none;">
<a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-P8S0H-1UriI/VYHdbEGcu0I/AAAAAAAAANQ/OlcI2Pi6O-8/s1200/Photo%25252020150617224946285.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="" class="alignnone" height="750" id="blogsy-1434574189159.0476" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-P8S0H-1UriI/VYHdbEGcu0I/AAAAAAAAANQ/OlcI2Pi6O-8/s500/Photo%25252020150617224946285.jpg" width="500" /></a></div>
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I am writing this post because I recently that 4 of my posts from this blog had been lifted verbatim and posted on a website. <br />
I will say that I had gotten an email from the editor of the site last year asking whether they could republish those posts. I replied sometime in December, specifically asking to be informed about if and when, since due to the fact that I was replying their email a few months too late I was unsure if they still wanted to use my posts.<br />
I never received a reply or a notification. I only realized they had published my posts when I went through my blog statistics a few weeks ago and saw that I had been having blog visitors redirected from that site. I decided to go check and I saw my posts. They did attribute the posts to me, but perhaps unwittingly, gave the misleading impression that the posts had been specially written for their site. That unfortunately turned something that I had found exciting into something that left a bittersweet taste in my mouth. So because of that, I have decided to do a post with some guidelines on reproducing or using my posts<br />
<u>Reposting etiquette</u>. <br />
No 1. Ask for permission. My contact email address is themommyjuggle@gmail.com. Send me an email and I will respond. Please expect a bit of a delay, after all, the fact that I am juggling a lot of responsibilities is the point of this blog. <br />
No 2. Do not copy and paste the whole post if you don't have permission to. If you want a whole post, request me to write a guest post on your blog, I'd be happy to if I can accommodate your request within my schedule. <br />
You can say something like "Themummyjuggle posted on her blog........." And then copy part of the post. You can then add a link for them to read the remaining part of the post. Even Lindaikeji.blogspot.com is now doing that after mrAyedee showed her pepper. <br />
No 3. Make sure you include in the post that " this post was originally posted at www.themummyjuggle@gmail.com"<br />
No 4. Do not add or subtract from my post. You can embellish in your preamble or quote part of my post and discuss, but don't copy paste my whole post and then add your own jara. <br />
My dear silent readers, if you have any other tips or suggestions concerning blog/ article reposting etiquette, please do share. <br />
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Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-66398251836353029502015-05-26T00:30:00.000-07:002015-05-26T02:28:08.381-07:00Be present when present 3: finding balanceI will focus this final post on the topic of being present on finding balance. <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">How can parents ensure a balance between spending quality time and ensuring private space to their children? The "private space" is necessary for your kids so that they can grow and be independent young people. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Even though children need attention and time from parents, they do not need it every minute and second of their life. Parents should be able to understand when to spend time or interfere in their children’s life and when to leave them on their own. Here is how you can do the same:</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong>Give your child enough space:</strong> Even as a toddler, it is important to let your child play by him/herself and also do things for him/ herself. As your child grows he will need more autonomy and privacy from you. Don’t panic or go overboard with rules at this time. Instead, ensure that you give your child enough privacy to explore and learn about the world by his own. However, always keep your communication open with your child and take an active interest in his hobbies and friends. Always ask open-ended questions to your child especially if in teens to get an idea about what is going on in his life. If you had been a doting parent, you would be able to recognise half-hearted replies and lies. Make your home welcoming so that your child and their friends will like to hang around your home. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong>Make special talk-time for your child:</strong> Whether you are a stay at home mum or a working mother, make sure you spend some time of the day with your child on a regular basis. Even if it is just a 15-minute stroll after dinner. ‘To ensure more quality time makes sure that you go on a vacation with your child at least once a year. Consider spending more time during the weekends and taking up an activity together. You can refer to my previous post on ideas of activities and if you start early, you can turn this into a family tradition. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><strong>Be judgmental with time:</strong> Remember even though children need your time, don’t go overboard or limit your time spent with them. Too much togetherness can make a child excessively attached to you which could in turn make one unable to work or think independently. ‘Rather than making the bond strong it would make him/her yearn for an escape. On the other hand, if you spend too little time it can make a kid anxious, sad, lonely, insecure and clingy. In my experience you will need to spend varying amounts of time with your child as they grow. My kids tend to need more attention when going through a growth spurt or when a big change is happening. Parents need to have their antennas finely tuned to the unvoiced needs of their children.</span></div>
Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-20994506309262164412015-04-29T14:17:00.000-07:002015-04-29T14:17:05.668-07:00What really matters<br />
April has been a hard month. I lost my uncle this month and a dear friend is currently in hospital battling for her life. <br />
As you can imagine, much of my mind has been taken up with pondering on what really matters in this life. More and more people now live till a hundred years and beyond. In fact my husband's first Cousin once removed turned 100 at the end of March and we were there to celebrate with her. However, this doesn't negate the fact that some people still die young and in their prime and that no one knows when the owner of life will call that life back (thats a literal translatio from Yoruba by the way).<br />
This means that we need to live each day as purposefully as we can and always remember that there is no guarantee that we will have a tomorrow. It is a miracle that we get up each day, a miracle that should be celebrated and a miracle that we take for granted all too often. <br />
We make medium and long term plans, and forget that no one knows tomorrow or even if there will be a tomorrow. We plan for what we will do after retirement, we leave what we should do today until tomorrow, we clutter our lives with material substances. <br />
I had the sad priviledge of helping sort through a deceased persons properties and also last weekend of cleaning my sick friend's apartment. Believe me it is not a good feeling and I know that I would hate a third party to go through my belongings. Yet that will happen to us all one day. Many are lucky that it will be a loved one doing those duties, like I with my mother's things. Some will not be so lucky. <br />
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The Parable of the Rich Fool (Luke 12:16-21)</blockquote>
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<span class="reftext"><a href="http://biblehub.com/luke/12-16.htm"><b>16</b></a></span>And he spake a parable unto them, saying, The ground of a certain rich man brought forth plentifully: <span class="reftext"><a href="http://biblehub.com/luke/12-17.htm"><b>17</b></a></span>And he thought within himself, saying, What shall I do, because I have no room where to bestow my fruits? <span class="reftext"><a href="http://biblehub.com/luke/12-18.htm"><b>18</b></a></span>And he said, This will I do: I will pull down my barns, and build greater; and there will I bestow all my fruits and my goods. <span class="reftext"><a href="http://biblehub.com/luke/12-19.htm"><b>19</b></a></span>And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, <i>and</i> be merry. <span class="reftext"><a href="http://biblehub.com/luke/12-20.htm"><b>20</b></a></span>But God said unto him, <i>Thou</i> fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall those things be, which thou hast provided? <span class="reftext"><a href="http://biblehub.com/luke/12-21.htm"><b>21</b></a></span>So <i>is</i> he that layeth up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.</blockquote>
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It might be macabre, but never forget that life is fleeting. Let us alway remember what matters and make it central. It might mean we need to turn our lives around or make drastic changes, but I believe living purposefully gives joy and peace beyond Imagination so that whenever the end comes we can go without regrets. For me as a Christian, I believe that Christ died for me and because He lives I will have everlasting life. Nevertheless, I will strive to better use my Talent for the purpose for which He has given it to me for as long as I am able to.<br />
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Stay blessed and safe and never forget what really matters. <br />
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Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-13477674260584110332015-04-21T00:16:00.002-07:002015-04-21T08:45:13.678-07:00Be present when present 2: How to improve the quality of time spent with your kids<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); line-height: 1.3em;">As discussed in the previous post, children are good at showing signs that they are craving more Quality time with Mummy or Daddy. Click </span>here <a href="http://www.themummyjuggle.com/2015/04/be-present-when-present-1-signs-that.html" target="_blank">here</a><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); line-height: 1.3em;">to read the previous post if you have not read it yet before continuing with this post.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); line-height: 1.3em;"> </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Of course it is best that you spend quality time with your kids as a matter of fact, however, even if your kids are already showing some of the signs that they need more time with you including those signs mentioned in the previous post or other signs, it is never too late to retrace your steps and make deliberate efforts to improve the quality of the precious time you spend with your kids. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Children grow so fast and now is the time to build those great memories and create a warm enduring bond with your child or children so that the grow up wholesome and psychologically balanced. This is also the time when the foundations of your future relationships with your adult children will be laid.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Even if you are a very busy mum, you can find ways of incorporating your children in your daily activities or having special mummy and me time with them. Below are some ideas of how to get the kids involved in daily activities in a qualitative way.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I let my kids help me when I am cooking - in fact I say we are cooking together. There is nothing kids love more than helping chop up vegetables or storing the pot. I remember a couple of years ago when my then almost 2 year old and my almost 5 year old helped make ratatouille. They were so proud and had loads of fun. It might take you much longer to cook if the kids are helping, but it's rewarding. It's also a way to develop their motor skills.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Reading to and with your kids. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">We read to our kids everyday. It's typically at bedtime but we read for about at least 20 to 30 minutes everyday. Reading helps develop your kids vocabulary and expands their imagination. And if they get to cuddle up to mummy and daddy while reading, even better! My husband and I are avid readers and we are really pleased our kids love to read. And we are so proud that our daughter who will be starting class 1 in September can read now, so that is an added perk!</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Bathtime</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Although I just want to get bath time over and done with sometimes after a full day's work, it makes the kids day when mummy or daddy joins them in the bath tub for bath time. They especially love to wash papa's hair. I don't let anyone near my hair for fear of tangles lol. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">One of my daughters greatest wishes is for the family to do a bicycle tour together. It can be a nature hike or a maze or an obstacle course but a family that sweats together stays together. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Last summer, we took a walk every Sunday around the neighborhood, got some ice cream from our local ice cream parlour and walked back home. The kids loved this and looked forward to it. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Spend time with each kid </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Our kids are 3 years apart and sometimes the older child has to play along with what her little brother wants and vice versa. We have had a couple of mummy and me time and daddy and me times which the kids loved. On one occasion I went into the city to shop with my daughter while daddy and little brother slept. Another time, we went to a cafe where I had a hot chocolate and she some warm whipped milk. The boys went food shopping to metro and the little man loved it. Just this last weekend, my husband and my daughter went swimming and I took my son to the local natural history museum to look at some dinosaur bones and a chameleon. He loved it. It is good for kids to have one on one time with each parent sometimes. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Play board games, do puzzles etc</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My daughter has a few games she loves to play and it's more interesting for her to play with the adults than her little brother who never plays by the rules. She kicks our butts at memory, it's amazing how I can't remember where the cards are and she's picked everything. I also play ayo with her. Chose the right learning games and its a win win situation </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The list of activities is exhaustive, we have picked nuts before, had picnics, visited the zoo, sewn together, baked together, painted and drawn together etc. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">A lot of these activities do not require much time and in fact most times all you need to do is involve your kids in your daily chores. That way you will get to know your kids better and they will feel loved. So what if it takes a little bit more time? Invest the time now and you will begin to see changes. Even the kids will start asking you to play with them more. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">One of the blogs I follow and find a valuable resource is <a href="http://diycorporatemom.com/" target="_blank">DIY Corporate Mom</a> she has loads of ideas for play activities and I love her idea of "leave behind play". Like me she is a busy mum and has ingenious ideas to help her keep the bond to her kid alive. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Also check out <a data-blogger-escaped-data-blogger-escaped-target="_blank" href="http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/do-you-spend-enough-time-with-your-kids-the-better-question-is-do-you-having-fun-doing-it/article23715840/" target="_blank">this</a> article on the Globe and Mail which talks about having fun times with your kids</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">What are the activities you do with your kids to ensure that you spend quality times with them? Please leave a comment below and share. </span> </div>
<br />Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-36701264222511460942015-04-02T08:22:00.003-07:002015-04-02T08:22:51.414-07:00Be present when present 1: Sígns that you need to improve the quality of time spent and interations with your childrenThere are a lot of debates on whether working mums or stay at home mums or work at home mums are doing the best for their children. My take on this issue is that what is best will differ from family to family and from sitution to situation. It is also important to remember that what is best will sometimes also have to be balanced by what is expedient. Many families are dependent on two incomes to stay afloat. Apart from that, many mothers, myself included need the challenge of work outside the home and that has nothing to do with whether or not they are good mothers.<br />
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I believe that the important thing is to be present when you are present, meaning prioritise your time with your kids so that your mind is also with them and it is quality and fun. I have seen many mothers (stay at home mums as well as working mums) who spend every free time on the phone or on the internet, keeping their kids in front of the tv or saying 'go to your room', 'don't disturb me', 'can't you see I'm on the phone?' anything just to be able to be by themselves unbothered by their kids and that is sad. Of course, there are cases where every mum will need to be undisturbed and have time to themselves, but when it is a constant occurrence, it is sad. <br />
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Someone once told me of a case of a 4 year old child who could not speak or understand her mother's native language because she spent most of the day at the child-minder's - who spoke a different language from the parents - and when she was home, the mother spent all her time on the phone and never really spoke to her child except to give her 'commands'. Unsurprisingly, the child never wanted to leave the child-minder's house and it was a daily struggle to take her home. <br />
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It happens once in a while for kids that are cared for outside the home to not want to go hóme, but if it is a daily occurence, some self-reflection on the part of the parents/mum is probably due.<br />
So, what are the signs that you are not spending enough time with your kids or are not present enough when you are spending time with your kids?<br />
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<strong>Health issues</strong> - there are many health issues that you can only catch at home, no matter how vigilant your childcare provider is. Also, for older kids, schools are there to provide education and not to look after your children. That is your job. My kids kindergarten is located behind a school and sometimes when walking through, I see kids playing outside in the cold without their jackets, because the teachers are teachers and not child care providers and don't check that kids are properly dressed for the weather. <br />
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<strong>Irittability and agressivness</strong> - If your otherwise playful and friendly or toddler starts to get unexplainable aggressive and irritable, it could be that they require more attention from you. There will be phases where your children require more or less attention from you and you need to be attune to their non-verbal and many times subconcious for them means of communication. <br />
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<strong>Clinginess</strong> - clinginess is normal from time to time, but during those phases, your child probably needs extra attention from you. Sometimes, clinginess might be related to a developmental milestone.<br />
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<strong>Decreased appetite and uneasy sleep:</strong> These might not always be caused by physiological issues but can stem from a psychological need.<br />
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For older children and young adults, the signs can differ slightly from signs shown by younger children and can include:<br />
<br />• Failing health and school grades<br />• Lack of sleep<br />• Loss of friends<br />• Depression<br />• Lack of interest in activities<br />• Doing drugs or picking up vices<br />• Showing unexpected behaviour<br />
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These signs listed above are just some signs that might indicate that your child needs some more time and attention from you. ‘Parents should understand that a child’s need extends beyond the basic food, clothes, comfort and sleep. They have psychological needs too, which can only be compensated by spending enough time with them,’ explains Dr Sonar.<br />
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In the next post, we will look at ways to ensure that you spend enough quality time with your children while ensuring enough private space for both yourself and the children. <br />
In the meantime, please post any symptoms that might also indicate that your children need more Quality interactions from you. <br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Copyright @themummyjuggle.com. 2015</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"></span>Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-55007834492288350132015-01-02T00:23:00.001-08:002015-01-02T00:23:38.897-08:00Carpe Diem <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br /></span>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Happy new year and congratulations on making it into 2015!!!</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">There were many tragedies that occurred in 2014, which brought home to a lot of people that life is very fleeting and none of us is guaranteed tomorrow or the even the certainty that we have come to expect we can create by doing the right things. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">I have been thinking a lot about 2015 and I believe and need this to be a year of drastic change for me. Drastic change in how I manage my time and my resources, what I spend my time doing and also drastic change with respect to self-care. It was with this state of mind that I stumbled on Tim Ferriss blogpost from 2009 titled "</span>On The Shortness of Life- An Introduction to Seneca."<br />
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Below are some of the quotes from Seneca that really resonate with me:<br />
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"The greatest hindrance to living is expectancy, which depends upon the morrow and wastes to-day."<br />
"It is not that we have a short space of time, but that we waste much of it. Life is long enough, and it has been given in sufficiently generous measure to allow the accomplishment of the very greatest things if the whole of it is well invested." <br />
"In guarding their fortune men are often closefisted, yet, when it comes to the matter of wasting time, in the case of the one thing in which it is right to be miserly, they show themselves most prodigal." <br />
"You will hear many men saying: "After my fiftieth year I shall retire into leisure, my sixtieth year shall release me from public duties." And what guarantee, pray, have you that your life will last longer? Who will suffer your course to be just as you plan it? Are you not ashamed to reserve for yourself only the remnant of life, and to set apart for wisdom only that time which cannot be devoted to any business? How late it is to begin to live just when we must cease to live! What foolish forgetfulness of mortality to postpone wholesome plans to the fiftieth and sixtieth year, and to intend to begin life at a point to which few have attained!" <br />
I have also added some further quotes which make the same points as the Saneca quotes above.<br />
"One day at a time – this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone: and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering." - Ida Scott Taylor<br />
"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins." - James <br />
"Nobody sees a flower – really – it is so small it takes time – we haven’t time –and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time." Georgia O’Keefe<br />
"Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend." - Diogenes<br />
"Every man dies – Not every man really lives."<br />
William Ross Wallace<br />
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming —WOW–What a Ride!!!" (author unknown)<br />
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Ecclesiastes 3:8 ESV <br />
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.<br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> While I do not really agree with the totality of the ways in which Saneca and some of the quoted recommend spending time, there is a lot of truth in those quotes I have reproduced above.</span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">While guarding your time "as preciously as your money", it is important to keep the eternal in perspective and to remember that each individual was sent to earth to fulfill a certain purpose. If you do not know your "why" - your purpose, it is a worthy exercise to spend time in finding out and asking for revelation into what the purpose of your life is or should be. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Here is what Jesus said about time management and some other quotes from the bible on time. </span><br />
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John 9:4 ESV<br />
We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work.<br />
2 Corinthians 4:18<br />
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. <br />
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Ephesians 5:15-17 ESV<br />
Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.<br />
It is one thing to know that we should spend our time wisely, on our God given purpose, it is another thing entirely to be disciplined enough to actually do so and to get rid of all the dead weight and unnecessary baggage and encumberment. <br />
Remember, the greatest tragedy is not death, but a life lived without purpose. ( Paraphrasing Dr Myles Munroe) <br />
To end this post, I will quote Horace, in the part of his poem from which the title of my post "Carpe Diem" ( seize the day) comes:<br />
"While we speak, envious time will have {already} fled:<br />
seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the next day."<br />
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Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-25780228172832643002014-10-10T13:36:00.003-07:002014-10-10T13:36:18.756-07:00Epsom salts and hempseed oil<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's been a while since I last uploaded a post on this blog. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This summer has been very busy, challenging and quite interesting in terms of work and family. I have been going through a lot of physical and mental changes in the last few month. One of the most unexpected changes is the difference in and the intensity of my pre-menstrual symptoms. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have been prone to getting a bad cold with a sore throat, body aches and pains as well as really bad cramps. It took me a few months to realize that all this was happening like clockwork the week before my period was due. Once I finally realized it, I tried a few remedies and I thought I would share them with you:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1) acupuncture: a session or two of acupuncture in the week leading up to Aunty Flo works like magic to clear any aches and pains.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2) hempseed oil: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I watched a YouTube video on the benefits of hempseed oil and I decided to try it out. As much as I don't really like the taste of the oil, I have to admit that it did wonders for my system and I keep a bottle in my fridge. This month, I forgot to take it regularly, and I paid the price in aches and pains and a bad sore throat, again, before my period.</span> <br />
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<a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Taeymtf17Pg/VDgPf9P3C9I/AAAAAAAAAMI/h7IHfg6sp2w/s500/Photo%25252020141010185516.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img alt="" class="alignnone" height="400" id="blogsy-1412960129284.9985" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Taeymtf17Pg/VDgPf9P3C9I/AAAAAAAAAMI/h7IHfg6sp2w/s400/Photo%25252020141010185516.jpg" width="287" /></a><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3) Epsom salt baths: I randomly bought a book titled the clean and Lean diet from TKMaxx a few months ago and I'm only just reading it. One of the secrets of a losing tummy fat, or excess water is apparently taking an Epsom salt bath lasting at least 20 minutes and up to 40 minutes. </span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I did some further Google research and read that it helps alleviate pms symptoms as well and I was sold. I got a huge bag of Epsom salts this week and proceeded to add two cups to a bath tub filled with warm water and soaked in it for 25 minutes. Although my alarm was set for 40 minutes and although i drank 750ml of water in that time period, I could not bear to stay in longer. The bath certainly cleared my cold quickly. The jury is still out on it helping with losing weight, and I was certainly very bloated the day after,although I am not 100% sure that had to do with the bath. I will have to give that one another try again and report back.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It would be interesting to find out other tried and tested methods for alleviating pms symptoms. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Take care and have a great weekend ahead.</span> <br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Photo Credit: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/33907867@N02/4297933700/">Creative Tools</a> via <a href="http://compfight.com/">Compfight</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">cc</a></span><br />
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Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-91398459958691566042014-04-24T15:32:00.001-07:002014-04-25T02:21:16.343-07:00The sober romantic- marry your own kind Lately, I have been giving a lot of thought to the issue of marriage. Perhaps it's the fact that my brother recently got married, or the fact that this year is my 10th wedding anniversary, either way, reflections on the topic of marriage have taken up a bit of space in my mind and I have decided to do a few posts on it.<br />
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They say love is blind, but only a young inexperienced person will make the decision on whom to marry solely on the basis of love. I like to say that love wears glasses and contact lenses.<br />
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One important ingredient for increasing the likelihood of your marriage success is marrying your own kind. Gasp! In this day of inter marriage where colour and tribe don't matter, only a closed minded person will say that right? Wrong. It depends on what your definition of your own kind. By your own kind, I mean someone from a similar kind of background as yourself.<br />
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Two weeks ago while I was getting my hair done in preparation for my brothers wedding, I got talking with the lady doing my hair. She mentioned that there was an African restaurant in Frankfurt where you can get authentic cuisine in an authentic african atmosphere - you sit on the ground and you eat with your hands in that restaurant. So I said why the extraness of sitting on the ground, these Europeans sometimes sef. Only for her to say, yes, it's just like in Africa, where we sit on the ground. So I told her wait a minute, did you sit on the ground and eat in your own home, to which she answered yes now. " they would call us to eat and we would go collect our food and find some spot on the ground to eat. Dinning table ke". Of course, she did not believe me when I said that we always ate on the dining table, and with cutlery, except when eating "okele". We even used to eat at the dining table in my grandparents home, and I have very fond memories of my grand parents dining table.<br />
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Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with eating on the floor as opposed to eating on the dining table, but she was so sure her experiences growing up were the experiences of every other African, as I was about my own experiences. We are both Nigerians, but come from different worlds. For me, I had never really thought of a dining table as anything special until that point, and I just ended up keeping quiet having learnt something new.<br />
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It's the closed almost incestuous world of the African middle class, which makes us not really 'see' the millions who are not living like us. For me, it took moving to Europe to start to really think about the plight of those millions, even though I am not from a rich family and my parents are very compassionate people who helped others where they could. It could have something to do with the fact that I moved abroad in my teenage years, but anyway, that is not the focus of this post.<br />
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Someone I know is married to a man who has told her before that she pretends to be someone she is not putting on fancy airs. Tell me if the lady above were to meet and date someone from a background like my brother, wouldn't there be a sort of disconnect? Wouldn't she accuse him of putting on airs at some point? Or if her brother married a lady from a different of background, wouldn't her in laws accuse her of being proud and thinking she is better than they are? By the way, I have seen such scenarios play out.<br />
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Or a completely banal example from my own life, growing up, my parents took us on picnics and to zoos and parks. One of my fondest childhood memories is a picnic with friends at the zoo in Makurdi where we lived at the time. My husband's parents didn't really take him out like that , so when 5 years into our marriage we started having children and I would expect him to go out on the weekends with us, he was having none of it and it was a bitter point for me that I was the one going all about with my kids alone, which was completely different from how I grew up. One day, after I had managed to drag him with us by fire and brimstone and he enjoyed himself, he confessed that he wasn't really used to that type of thing as his parents had lots of obligations while he was growing up that did not allow for that type of family outing. Now, I understand where that's coming from and I don't take his reluctance personal any longer, but it took a while for us to get there.<br />
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So in saying marrying your kind, I am not talking about race or tribe, but I mean marry someone who is from a similar sort of background as yourself. I am not there if you as a middle class Nigerian marries an oyibo who is either from a dysfunctional home or who places Africans in a certain box, because they will treat you that same way. Or if you being Yoruba woman from a monogamous harmonious home decides to marry a Yoruba man from a dysfunctional polygamous home, or one with absent parents, or one where the man is god. Or you being from a strongly christian or muslim home decides to marry someone who comes from a family where their reigious beliefs are diluted with a bit of voodoo etc etc.<br />
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It's more efficient marrying someone of a different culture or tribe who shares a similar background than someone from the same state who could as well be from mars while you are from Venus when in comes to their values and how they think. Those differences may seem trivial at first, but the longer you stay together, the more you will see circumstances and situations pop up that were not envisaged and where only having similar outlooks or a strong ability to compromise can get you through easily.<br />
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Having met my brothers wife and in laws and seen the ease of interaction between the two families, being that the backgrounds are so similar made me wish for the same for everyone else that I know who is still searching. Men, that lady will be raising your children. Ladies, that will be the head of your home 'till death do you part'. Choose with your glasses on!<br />
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I have gotten conservative with age, so sue me :)<br />
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Anyway in conclusion, if you decide to marry outside of your "background" both social as well as economic, make sure that you are entering the marriage with a lot of compromise, and if you are female, with a double dose of compromise. You might think you know everything about your partner, but believe me, 10, 15, 20 years down the line, new situations might arise, where you will be shocked at your partners approach. Don't say I didn't warn you o!Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-18415512095254037012014-04-24T14:12:00.000-07:002014-10-25T15:49:58.333-07:00Aupair or Granny Aupair Update. I wrote a post in July 2012 titled <a href="http://www.themummyjuggle.com/2012/07/aupair-or-granny-aupair.html" target="_blank">Aupair or Granny Aupair</a>. At the time, I was preparing to return to work unexpectedly and I was trying to decide what type of carer to get for our son.<br />
I joined all sorts of sites and started communicating with all sorts of people online. I was uncomfortable with the idea of welcoming someone I didn't know into my home to take care of my son, and even though I had two people on my short list, I was nervous.<br />
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Candidate 1 was a Spanish young lady who sounded good on paper; she had lived in Germany before she wrote and she could speak German. After a skype session where neither of us could understand the other, it was clear that we were only going to employ her under extreme circumstances. That's apart from the fact that she was expensive.<br />
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Candidate 2 was a lady in her fifties. She had worked as a nanny and was very experienced, she said. The kids she watched were getting big and she was looking for the next role. The lady was exquisite and very nicely dressed and wore a hat. A real life Mary popping, only older. The minus was that she wanted to be paid "black" so tax free and to be honest something about her just did not sit right with me.<br />
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I was beginning to develop a high bp on the issue and reconsidering returning to work when on the advise of a friend, I went to the local child care agency. I explained the situation and I was given a name. I was told that the lady loves Africans, which immediately caused me to raise my eyebrows and decide not to have anything to do with her, as people who make such declaration in my experience are not usually all there.<br />
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After considering our options again, we decided to give her a call. We were traveling, so we made an appointment for the weekend. when we met, we liked her, but we weren't sure. We were going to be entrusting our 5 and half month old to her care after all. Granted I was going to be working from home, but still I would have to travel sometimes and I wasn't sure.<br />
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When I visited her home and she casually said " oh and if you need to travel, I will go with you and the baby. I like to travel and explore the world.". At which point I burst into tears. I knew we had found our lady and I know it could only be God answering my prayers. And did I mention that she lives 5 minutes walk max. from our flat?<br />
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A few weeks after I started work, she went with my kids and I for 2 weeks to the UK. She has been God sent and has become a third grandmother to our kids. When my son started preschool, we asked her to stay on afternoons and she has! She isn't really strict with the kids and my strong willed daughter will sometimes walk all over her, but that's really the only negative thing I can say. I am glad I have someone who loves my kids with her whole heart, glad to be the bad cop sometimes. That's the job of a mummy anyway 😃<br />
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She is 62, unfortunately widowed a few moths before we met her, so we are as vital to her as she is to us. She even wants to come over during the weekend and sometimes goes to church with us. She is really creative and does lots of arts and crafts with the kids, learns rhymes and shares it with them, cooks if we ask her to etc.<br />
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We are really blessed to have her. If you are looking for someone to look after your kid, I cannot over recommend this kind of arrangement to you.<br />
Has anyone else had an experience with a "granny- Aupair"?Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-38124590499893073242014-03-31T16:30:00.004-07:002014-03-31T16:32:59.732-07:00Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie on dressing to please yourselfIn this article of the Nigerian writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, she touched on the same subject that I talked about in a recent post<a href="http://www.themummyjuggle.com/2014/02/so-you-have-pooch-now-guide-to-post.html" target="_blank"> So-you-have-pooch-now-guide-to-post.</a><br />
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"I am now 36 years old. During my most recent book tour, I wore, for the first time, clothes that made me happy. My favorite outfit was a pair of ankara-print shorts, a damask top, and yellow high-heel shoes. Perhaps it is the confidence that comes with being older. Perhaps it is the good<a href="http://www.themummyjuggle.com/2014/02/so-you-have-pooch-now-guide-to-post.html" target="_blank"></a> fortune of being published and read seriously, but I no longer pretend not to care about clothes. Because I do care. I love embroidery and texture. I love lace and full skirts and cinched waists. I love black, and I love color. I love heels, and I love flats. I love exquisite detailing. I love shorts and long maxidresses and feminine jackets with puffy sleeves. I love colored trousers. I love shopping. I love my two wonderful tailors in Nigeria, who often give me suggestions and with whom I exchange sketches. I admire well-dressed women and often make a point to tell them so. Just because. I dress now thinking of what I like, what I think fits and flatters, what puts me in a good mood. I feel again myself—an idea that is no less true for being a bit hackneyed."<span style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br /><br />Read more: <a href="http://www.elle.com/life-love/personal-style/personal-essay-on-style-by-chimamanda-ngozi-adichie-2#ixzz2vCgi39T2" style="text-decoration: none;">Why Can't a Smart Woman Love Fashion? - Personal Essay on Style - ELLE</a><br />Follow us: <a href="http://ec.tynt.com/b/rw?id=d-AT4sM9Or4QB2acwqm_6l&u=ElleMagazine" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">@ElleMagazine on Twitter</a> | <a href="http://ec.tynt.com/b/rf?id=d-AT4sM9Or4QB2acwqm_6l&u=ellemagazine" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">ellemagazine on Facebook</a><br />Visit us at <a href="http://www.elle.com/" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">ELLE.com</a></span></span>Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-44835904212491623362014-03-04T14:03:00.001-08:002014-03-04T14:03:11.247-08:00Are you a working mum suffering from sleep deprivation? 10 tips on how to sleep smart and work better <div style="margin-bottom: 20px; padding: 0px;">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">As someone with entrepreneural dreams, full time working mum of two, currently still breastfeeding my baby, sleep is low on availability in my life. Ever since I was pregnant with my daughter in 2008, I think I can probably count on one hand the number of times I have gotten more than seven uninterrupted hours of sleep. At the moment working an40 hour week at my job, breastfeeding my almost 2 year old son and juggling hundred ideas for new businesses and other things is really impacting on my sleep or lack of it even further. Now don't get me started on the fact that I have access to my work emails on my iPad and my iPhone which means that separating the work life from my personal life is quite difficult. BYOD* is terrible.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I went to the ENT doctor in December because I was scared I was seriously ill. I have been having colds for the last one year back to back almost uninterrupted and a perpetual sore throat. I survive on vitamin C. After the doctor asked me a few questions, she was like "you're exhausted; you need to take some time off and put your feet up and just rest!".</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So I am making it my goal to rediscover how to wind down and relax.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I find that I am having information overload, am overtired and have been unable to focus properly recently. I am tired and distracted and even when I have a chance to rest, I don't. Like right now. My DH took the kids to his parents so I could get some sleep. But do you think I napped for even 5 minutes?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I know this is self destructive and I am on a mission to recondition my life and develop a much healthier relationship with sleep. I don't want to have a stroke at 40 or develop Alzheimer's because I was too stressed out mainly because of extremely poor sleeping habits.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Sleep is really important for regeneration and also for our health. It is extremely important for good mental function.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Here are some tips on sleeping better culled from the article on entrepreneural insomnia from Peter<em>hallard.com</em></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">10 tips on how to sleep smart and work better than ever</span></span></h3>
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<b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">1. Re-evaluate your relationship with caffeine</b></div>
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<b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">If this wonder drug is your preferred entrepreneurial productivity tool, it could be massively contributing to insomnia issues. Even if you’re not drinking coffee in the afternoons and evenings (if you are, stop), the withdrawal symptoms you experience while you’re sleeping at night can result in teeth grinding and all kinds of nasties.</b></div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">2. Check what you’re eating before bed</b></i></b></b></b></b></b></b></b></b></b></b></b></b></b></b></b></div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">I can’t not mention this, even though I’m supposed to be psychologically focused. If you’re eating high sugar foods before bed, you’re going to give yourself a sugar rush that’ll mean you toss and turn longer than you should be. Cut the sugary snacks and try good-fats and protein (hard boiled eggs work great) if you need to eat near bed time.</b></i></b></b></div>
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<i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Emotional state (sleep included) is far more connected to nutrition than any of us like to admit.</b></i></i></div>
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<i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">3. Leave the iPhone in another room</b></i></i></div>
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<i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Smartphones are simultaneously the best ever and <i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">worst things to happen to our productivity. Just because you can check email and basically every component of your business as you’re dozing off doesn’t mean you <i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">should. Doing so is likely to activate several conditioned responses in the Pavlovian sense. Best case, you’ll start having great ideas to implement tomorrow. Worst case, you’ll start stressing out about whatever bad news your company is wrestling with right now.</i></i></b></b></i></b></b></b></i></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></i></i></div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Solution: Keep your smartphone’s charger plugged in, in another room. Switch it off.</b></i></b></div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><strong style="font-style: normal; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">4</strong>. <b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Find a way to record last minute “OMG-DO-NOT-FORGET-THIS” thoughts</b></i></i></b></b></i></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">You’re a juggling mum, so you’re juggling about 150 ideas of things you should and could be doing to make your family and work better. Naturally, your unconscious mind is going to throw up “reminders” in the form of bed time epiphanies. And, these will be some of the best ideas you ever have.</b></i></b></div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">The secret is to keep a notebook beside your bed. When you can’t sleep because of good idea overload, just write stuff down until there’s literally nothing on your mind that isn’t on the page. Works for anxiety-inducing ideas too.</b></i></b></b></b></div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><strong style="font-style: normal; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">5. </strong><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Wind down before bed</b></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></b></b></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></b></b></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></b></b></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></b></b></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></b></b></div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Transitioning from furious emailing straight to bed is stupid. “Sleep” and “Business” are two very different train tracks and your unconscious mind needs time and space to switch between the two. For the sake of your business’s bottom line, you need to schedule 2 hours or more of work-free relaxation before bed.</b></i></b></b></div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Tips for serious players: Start dimming the lights 45 mins before bed. Switch off all electronics at the 30 minute mark. Talk to your family. Read fiction.</b></i></b></b></div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">6. Make your bed a dedicated sleep/sex temple</b></i></b></b></div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Do not desecrate your bed by using your laptop, watching TV or carrying out any other task besides those it was built for. Not even in the morning. If you’re really smart, you won’t even permit <i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">reading in bed.</i></b></b></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></b></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></b></b></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></b></b></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></b></b></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></b></b></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 1.467em; padding: 0px;">
<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">The reasons aren’t even remotely spiritual. When you use your bed exclusively for sleep, you powerfully and deeply condition your mind to anticipate sleep when you find yourself there. In the same way police sirens evoke vague feelings of guilt in your heart, your bed will start to actually induce drowsiness. It’s Pavlov at work again.</b></b></b></i></i></b></b></b></div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">If this strategy works too well, you might find yourself falling asleep at the penultimate moment of a hot date. Not to worry – simply utilize any number of other horizontal surfaces in your home and solidify your reputation as a fun loving individual.</b></b></b></i></i></b></b></b></div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">7. Invest in quality equipment</b></b></b></i></i></b></b></b></div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">You’re an entrepreneur, so your time is precious. Not only are you spending a third of your life in bed, the quality of your experience there determines your bottom-line output the rest of the day. So optimize your experience.</b></b></b></i></i></b></b></div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">It’s not a business expense that the tax man will understand, but a fantastic mattress will pay a productivity dividend that is undeniable. If you need to experience it to believe it, book a night at a Four Seasons – home of the world’s greatest mattress – and prepare to float away on cloud of sweet dreams and comfort. A firestorm of business achievement will follow. Don’t skimp on this stuff.</b></b></b></i></i></b></b></div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">8. Schedule your day to allow for a bit of morning flexibility</b></b></b></i></i></b></b></div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">If you’re suffering from serious insomnia, this is an important one. Many people believe a rigid sleep schedule is important – that you <i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">must make yourself get up consistently, bright and early. However, if you’re wrestling with serious insomnia it’s likely that a good portion of the anxiety keeping you awake is centered on the fear that you won’t be well rested enough for that 8am appointment.</i></b></b></i></b></b></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></b></b></i></i></b></b></b></i></b></b></b></i></i></b></b></b></i></b></b></b></i></i></b></b></b></i></b></b></b></i></i></b></b></b></i></b></b></b></i></i></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 1.467em; padding: 0px;">
<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">So for at least a few weeks, trial this: Avoid commitments earlier than 10 or 11am. Allow yourself a window to sleep in if you need to. Get out of the habit of stressing about having to wake up early, on top of worrying about whatever you’re worrying about. Once your sleep gets better, start setting your alarm earlier.</b></b></b></i></b></div>
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<b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><strong style="font-style: normal; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">9.</strong> <b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Allow yourself to think.</b></i></b></b></i></b></b></b></i></i></b></b></i></b></b></b></i></b></i></b></b></i></b></b></b></i></b></i></b></b></i></b></b></b></i></b></i></b></b></i></b></b></b></i></b></i></b></b></i></b></b></b></i></b></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 1.467em; padding: 0px;">
<i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Most people with a history of troubled sleep grow to be extremely hard on themselves when they hit the hay. Have you caught yourself groaning and cursing when you lie down and immediately explode with thoughts?</b></b></b></i></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 1.467em; padding: 0px;">
<i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Chances are, you’ve probably lost track of what normal a normal falling asleep experience actually feels like. And you’re probably placing massive, unrealistic expectations on yourself. Duh, you’re an entrepreneur.</b></b></b></i></div>
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<i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">That’s why the final tip is to ease up on yourself. If you’ve got a bad track record of sleep, you’re probably getting unnecessarily angry at yourself far too quick. In a terrible spiral, your instant “not-another-shitty-night” realization is probably half the problem.</b></b></b></i></div>
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<i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Instead of beating yourself up about thinking too much, do the opposite: Systematically think through your day, aiming to recall each and every detail.</b></b></b></i></div>
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<i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">10 Pray and meditate.</b></b></b></i></div>
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<i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Praying for me is focusing on God and remembering my place and importance in the whole scheme of things. That keeps me grounded. Prayer and meditation on the word of God causes relaxation and helps me plug myself into Gods plan and purpose. Ask God to help you sleep better.</i></b></b></b></i></div>
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<i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"></b></i></b></b></b></i></div>
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<i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Do you also struggle with sleep? Or have you managed to improve your sleeping habits? Please leave a comment sharing your tips and struggles and let's support each other.</i></b></b></b></i></div>
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<i style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><i style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">*BYOD - bring you own device</i></b></b></b></i></div>
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Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-68879339863902337642014-02-04T11:59:00.002-08:002014-02-04T11:59:53.024-08:00How to be more assertive Part 2<br />
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<tr><td><span class="altmain">In this post, I want to explore some of the misconceptions about assertiveness and my rationale for being unassertive.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td><span class="altpagetitle" style="font-weight: bold;"><u></u></span><b><u></u></b><u></u><u><b>COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT BEING ASSERTIVE</b></u><span class="altmain"></span><br />
<span class="altmain"><br />The main reason for unassertive behaviour is a fear of what might happen if you are assertive. What do you fear might happen if you did stand up for your rights? You may fear that you would feel extremely guilty or anxious after asserting yourself. These fears are usually based on false beliefs about assertiveness. Let's have a look at some of these myths.</span><br />
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<span class="altmain"><b><i>I'll be being selfish if I say what I want: </i></b>All we are doing by being assertive is putting our own needs on an equal level with the needs of other people. It is important for our own well being to do this. This is helpful for other people as well. We are not doing anyone a favour by letting them take us for granted or get whatever they want from us.<br />
Here is another example of how it can help other people. Supposing you were watching a film in a cinema and the person behind you was talking all the time. By politely saying something like: "excuse me, would you mind not talking while the film is on", you would be helping both yourself and the people around you.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td><span class="altmain">Note that this is quite different from an aggressive comment like "Why don't you shut up!" which is only likely to lead to an argument.</span><br />
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<span class="altmain"><b><i>If I stand up for myself the other person will become upset and angry: </i></b>This assumes that other people are always unreasonable. Remember, you are only asking to be treated as an equal and not making big demands. Most people will recognise this and accept your point of view. In fact, you may be surprised how easily they agree with you.</span><br />
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<b><i>People won't like me if I say what I want: </i></b>Think of the people you know who are assertive. Do you think any less of them for that? The chances are you respect them <u>more</u> for being assertive. People are likely to think more of you if you assert yourself as it means they know where they stand with you.<br />
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<b><i>I feel too anxious to start being assertive: </i></b>This is something of a vicious circle. Being assertive for the first time is always hard but it becomes easier after that.</td></tr>
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Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-54671600655837335712014-02-02T11:13:00.000-08:002014-02-02T11:13:30.567-08:00So you have a pooch now - a guide to post partum elegance - 2<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I know the post on postpartum elegance is more than a year old. I have made strides in my quest for postpartum elegance, even though I have been bad about documenting it here.</span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The single most important thing I have implemented this year is wearing more dresses, and not just when I'm going out.</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The easiest way to look put together is to wear a dress. This is because a dress is only one item of clothing, you do not have to look for matching bits and pieces. Wearing a jeans, or skirt, you have to look for a top that matches, and if you are like me, with a hectic lifestyle and demanding children, you just want to keep it moving and haven't got time to waste matching clothes most days. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Since I started wearing more dresses, I look and feel more put together and I get more compliments, people think I put in a whole lot of effort, and yet I don't. <br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">If you are a mum, busy etc, and you think a dress is not practical, let me encourage you to look out for practical yet cute dresses. There are dresses which look good, and which you can breastfeed in.</span><br />
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I typically dress up my dresses ;) with a belt, to define my postpartum body. You can layer a cardigan on your dress or at shirt underneath it. I try to get dresses with a bit of detailing around the middle ( similar to Sheryl in the image below) , to hide my sometimes pooch, or fitted dresses. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Here is the thing. </span></div>
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<li><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">If you look good, you will feel good. If you feel good, you will feel happier. If mummy's happy, everyone is happy. </span></li>
<li><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Taking care of yourself and your own needs is a priority ( I should take my own advices sometimes ;)</span></li>
<li><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Looking put together gives you a boost of confidence and helps you become a better worker. </span></li>
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So try wearing a dress tomorrow and see how that makes you feel. </span></div>
Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4995020565146342523.post-86877493908903256432014-01-27T14:48:00.000-08:002014-01-28T01:09:35.613-08:00How to be more assertive part 1Do you have challenges being assertive? I do, many times. I think it come from the fact that in my culture, respect is king. And people in authority and older people are the top dogs, who must be respected. My father would get upset and borderline aggressive if one dared to articulate an opinion that was contrary to his. He still tries that sometimes, even now when I'm an adult married woman. I am more assertive towards him, but the very process robs me of my strength. I find that I struggle with assertiveness with people in positions of authority, and I also feel guilty and sometimes when I am assertive in other situations as I am afraid that people won't like me. I don't know if anyone can identify with me!<br />
I don't think it's necessarily or always about lack of self confidence. Sometime, I just chose not to be assertive and rationalize that I won't waste my energy on people who won't get it, but then I get upset and can't explain why to myself.<br />
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I'm on a journey this year to increase my level of assertiveness. I will be sharing my plans and how successful I am or not. If you are having issues with assertiveness as well, please leave a comment below and let's learn from each other and support each other.<br />
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First and foremost, let's take a step back and find out what assertiveness is.<br />
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<tr><td><span class="altmain" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Assertiveness is the ability to stand up for ourselves and to say how we feel when we feel we need to. This includes, </span><br />
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<li>Expressing your own opinion and feelings.</li>
<li>Being able to say "no" without feeling guilty.</li>
<li>Setting your own priorities i.e. choosing how you spend your time.</li>
<li>Asking for what you want.</li>
<li>Being able to take reasonable risks.</li>
<li>Choosing not to assert yourself at times when you feel it would be better not to say anything.</li>
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<span class="altmain">Assertiveness shows that we respect ourselves and other people, and place our own desires and needs where they should be. </span></div>
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<span class="altpagetitle" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b style="text-decoration: underline;">THE PROBLEM:</b></span></div>
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Lack of assertiveness can cause stress, depression and anxiety and lead to feelings of self blame. People who do not assert themselves fail to get their due,and also tend to feel bad about themselves. </div>
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<tr><td><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: none; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Here are a few typical problems caused by lack of assertiveness.</span></td></tr>
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<li>Saying "yes" to requests for favours from friends and relatives, no matter how unfair the requests are.</li>
<li>Begin afraid to return damaged goods or point out poor service in shops and restaurants.</li>
<li>Difficulty expressing positive feelings i.e. giving compliments.</li>
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<li>A fear of being criticised by others.</li>
<li>A fear of people in authority.</li>
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<li>The first step to solving a problem is realizing you have a problem. <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Do you have a challenge with being assertive? Own the problem, and join me on this journey. </span></li>
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Lushhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15277026102832287086noreply@blogger.com0