Ladies weekend getaway to Faro 1

I was away with some girlfriends for an extended weekend away in Algarve Portugal. My friend F turned 40 and she invited us all to join her on the trip there. 

Even though I travel a lot for business, this was my first non work trip without my  kids or husband since my daughter was born, so I was quite nervous. 

As we had finished boarding and were waiting to start taxiing, I suddenly saw that I had had a missed call from my kids kindergarten which never happens. I called them back only to be told me son had thrown up so needed to be picked up. My nanny had picked him up, but I had a panic attack as that had never happened. To make matters worse, the air steward was sitting right behind me and sternly told me to switch off my phone. So I had to. I spent the over 3 hour duration of the flight praying for the best and immediately we landed, first thing I did was call home. Thank God he was okay and hadn't thrown up again. 

Everyone else flew in from London and I arrived at the airport about 4 hours ahead of them. After a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows from Costa, I decided to go out and explore Faro. I found the local bus, purchase a ticket to the city centre, which was about 5km away for 2.22 euros, dragged my luggage and off I went!!!

I really loved the architecture in Portugal. The old houses have tiling on the outside walls and they just look really nice. 

As I walked down the street taking pictures, I walked into a street full of old houses, many of which were boarded up. 

1878 Hostel is located right in the middle of that street of old houses.

The hostel door was open and as I peered through the doorway to look at the interesting architecture, a young man came out of the office and asked if I wanted a tour of the hostel. Of course I said yes and after dragging my luggage to safety, I followed him inside. 

The house is over 200 years old and was renovated and turned into a hostel a year ago. 

It's definitely something to keep in mind if you are looking for cheap accommodation in faro. It looked well planned and quite delightful. I took many pictures and will let you judge for your selves. 

After I said my goodbyes, I walked to the delightful harbor. 

There was lots of information on renting boats, boat trips and nature trips. 

I picked up loads of info material and then I headed back to the airport, with a few minutes to spare. 

The other ladies arrived soon afterwards. After we had done the introductions, we found our shuttle driver, loaded our luggage and drove off to Albufeira about 30km from Faro, where our villa was located.

Guidance on reproducing my posts

I am writing this post because I recently that 4 of my posts from this blog had been lifted verbatim and posted on a website.
I will say that I had gotten an email from the editor of the site last year asking whether they could republish those posts. I replied sometime in December, specifically asking to be informed about if and when, since due to the fact that I was replying their email a few months too late I was unsure if they still wanted to use my posts.
I never received a reply or a notification. I only realized they had published my posts when I went through my blog statistics a few weeks ago and saw that I had been having blog visitors redirected from that site. I decided to go check and I saw my posts. They did attribute the posts to me, but perhaps unwittingly, gave the misleading impression that the posts had been specially written for their site. That unfortunately turned something that I had found exciting into something that left a bittersweet taste in my mouth. So because of that, I have decided to do a post with some guidelines on reproducing or using my posts
Reposting etiquette.
No 1. Ask for permission. My contact email address is themommyjuggle@gmail.com. Send me an email and I will respond. Please expect a bit of a delay, after all, the fact that I am juggling a lot of responsibilities is the point of this blog.
No 2. Do not copy and paste the whole post if you don't have permission to. If you want a whole post, request me to write a guest post on your blog, I'd be happy to if I can accommodate your request within my schedule.
You can say something like "Themummyjuggle posted on her blog........." And then copy part of the post. You can then add a link for them to read the remaining part of the post. Even Lindaikeji.blogspot.com is now doing that after mrAyedee showed her pepper.
No 3. Make sure you include in the post that " this post was originally posted at www.themummyjuggle@gmail.com"
No 4. Do not add or subtract from my post. You can embellish in your preamble or quote part of my post and discuss, but don't copy paste my whole post and then add your own jara.
My dear silent readers, if you have any other tips or suggestions concerning blog/ article reposting etiquette, please do share.

Be present when present 3: finding balance

I will focus this final post on the topic of being present on finding balance. How can parents ensure a balance between spending quality time and ensuring private space to their children? The "private space" is necessary for your kids so that they can grow and be independent young people.

Even though children need attention and time from parents, they do not need it every minute and second of their life. Parents should be able to understand when to spend time or interfere in their children’s life and when to leave them on their own. Here is how you can do the same:

Give your child enough space: Even as a toddler, it is important to let your child play by him/herself and also do things for him/ herself. As your child grows he will need more autonomy and privacy from you. Don’t panic or go overboard with rules at this time. Instead, ensure that you give your child enough privacy to explore and learn about the world by his own. However, always keep your communication open with your child and take an active interest in his hobbies and friends. Always ask open-ended questions to your child especially if in teens to get an idea about what is going on in his life. If you had been a doting parent, you would be able to recognise half-hearted replies and lies. Make your home welcoming so that your child and their friends will like to hang around your home.

Make special talk-time for your child: Whether you are a stay at home mum or a working mother, make sure you spend some time of the day with your child on a regular basis. Even if it is just a 15-minute stroll after dinner. ‘To ensure more quality time makes sure that you go on a vacation with your child at least once a year. Consider spending more time during the weekends and taking up an activity together. You can refer to my previous post on ideas of activities and if you start early, you can turn this into a family tradition.

Be judgmental with time: Remember even though children need your time, don’t go overboard or limit your time spent with them. Too much togetherness can make a child excessively attached to you which could in turn make one unable to work or think independently. ‘Rather than making the bond strong it would make him/her yearn for an escape. On the other hand, if you spend too little time it can make a kid anxious, sad, lonely, insecure and clingy. In my experience you will need to spend varying amounts of time with your child as they grow. My kids tend to need more attention when going through a growth spurt or when a big change is happening. Parents need to have their antennas finely tuned to the unvoiced needs of their children.

What really matters

April has been a hard month. I lost my uncle this month and a dear friend is currently in hospital battling for her life.
As you can imagine, much of my mind has been taken up with pondering on what really matters in this life. More and more people now live till a hundred years and beyond. In fact my husband's first Cousin once removed turned 100 at the end of March and we were there to celebrate with her. However, this doesn't negate the fact that some people still die young and in their prime and that no one knows when the owner of life will call that life back (thats a literal translatio from Yoruba by the way).
This means that we need to live each day as purposefully as we can and always remember that there is no guarantee that we will have a tomorrow. It is a miracle that we get up each day, a miracle that should be celebrated and a miracle that we take for granted all too often.
We make medium and long term plans, and forget that no one knows tomorrow or even if there will be a tomorrow. We plan for what we will do after retirement, we leave what we should do today until tomorrow, we clutter our lives with material substances.
I had the sad priviledge of helping sort through a deceased persons properties and also last weekend of cleaning my sick friend's apartment. Believe me it is not a good feeling and I know that I would hate a third party to go through my belongings. Yet that will happen to us all one day. Many are lucky that it will be a loved one doing those duties, like I with my mother's things. Some will not be so lucky.

The Parable of the Rich Fool (Luke 12:16-21)

 16And he spake a parable unto them, saying, The ground of a certain rich man brought forth plentifully: 17And he thought within himself, saying, What shall I do, because I have no room where to bestow my fruits? 18And he said, This will I do: I will pull down my barns, and build greater; and there will I bestow all my fruits and my goods. 19And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry. 20But God said unto him, Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall those things be, which thou hast provided? 21So is he that layeth up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.

It might be macabre, but never forget that life is fleeting. Let us alway remember what matters and make it central. It might mean we need to turn our lives around or make drastic changes, but I believe living purposefully gives joy and peace beyond Imagination so that whenever the end comes we can go without regrets. For me as a Christian, I believe that Christ died for me and because He lives I will have everlasting life. Nevertheless, I will strive to better use my Talent for the purpose for which He has given it to me for as long as I am able to.

Stay blessed and safe and never forget what really matters.
 

Be present when present 2: How to improve the quality of time spent with your kids

As discussed in the previous post, children are good at showing signs that they are craving more Quality time with Mummy or Daddy. Click here hereto read the previous post if you have not read it yet before continuing with this post.

Of course it is best that you spend quality time with your kids as a matter of fact, however, even if your kids are already showing some of the signs that they need more time with you including those signs mentioned in the previous post or other signs, it is never too late to retrace your steps and make deliberate efforts to improve the quality of the precious time you spend with your kids.

Children grow so fast and now is the time to build those great memories and create a warm enduring bond with your child or children so that the grow up wholesome and psychologically balanced. This is also the time when the foundations of your future relationships with your adult children will be laid.

Even if you are a very busy mum, you can find ways of incorporating your children in your daily activities or having special mummy and me time with them. Below are some ideas of how to get the kids involved in daily activities in a qualitative way.

tastytouring / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA

Cooking with your kids

I let my kids help me when I am cooking - in fact I say we are cooking together. There is nothing kids love more than helping chop up vegetables or storing the pot. I remember a couple of years ago when my then almost 2 year old and my almost 5 year old helped make ratatouille. They were so proud and had loads of fun. It might take you much longer to cook if the kids are helping, but it's rewarding. It's also a way to develop their motor skills.

Reading to and with your kids.

We read to our kids everyday. It's typically at bedtime but we read for about at least 20 to 30 minutes everyday. Reading helps develop your kids vocabulary and expands their imagination. And if they get to cuddle up to mummy and daddy while reading, even better! My husband and I are avid readers and we are really pleased our kids love to read. And we are so proud that our daughter who will be starting class 1 in September can read now, so that is an added perk!

Bathtime

Although I just want to get bath time over and done with sometimes after a full day's work, it makes the kids day when mummy or daddy joins them in the bath tub for bath time. They especially love to wash papa's hair. I don't let anyone near my hair for fear of tangles lol.

Bicycle tours

One of my daughters greatest wishes is for the family to do a bicycle tour together. It can be a nature hike or a maze or an obstacle course but a family that sweats together stays together.

Our Sunday walks.

Last summer, we took a walk every Sunday around the neighborhood, got some ice cream from our local ice cream parlour and walked back home. The kids loved this and looked forward to it.

Spend time with each kid

Our kids are 3 years apart and sometimes the older child has to play along with what her little brother wants and vice versa. We have had a couple of mummy and me time and daddy and me times which the kids loved. On one occasion I went into the city to shop with my daughter while daddy and little brother slept. Another time, we went to a cafe where I had a hot chocolate and she some warm whipped milk. The boys went food shopping to metro and the little man loved it. Just this last weekend, my husband and my daughter went swimming and I took my son to the local natural history museum to look at some dinosaur bones and a chameleon. He loved it. It is good for kids to have one on one time with each parent sometimes.

Play board games, do puzzles etc

My daughter has a few games she loves to play and it's more interesting for her to play with the adults than her little brother who never plays by the rules. She kicks our butts at memory, it's amazing how I can't remember where the cards are and she's picked everything. I also play ayo with her. Chose the right learning games and its a win win situation

The list of activities is exhaustive, we have picked nuts before, had picnics, visited the zoo, sewn together, baked together, painted and drawn together etc.

A lot of these activities do not require much time and in fact most times all you need to do is involve your kids in your daily chores. That way you will get to know your kids better and they will feel loved. So what if it takes a little bit more time? Invest the time now and you will begin to see changes. Even the kids will start asking you to play with them more.

One of the blogs I follow and find a valuable resource is DIY Corporate Mom she has loads of ideas for play activities and I love her idea of "leave behind play". Like me she is a busy mum and has ingenious ideas to help her keep the bond to her kid alive.

Also check out this article on the Globe and Mail which talks about having fun times with your kids

What are the activities you do with your kids to ensure that you spend quality times with them? Please leave a comment below and share.

Be present when present 1: Sígns that you need to improve the quality of time spent and interations with your children

There are a lot of debates on whether working mums or stay at home mums or work at home mums are doing the best for their children. My take on this issue is that what is best will differ from family to family and from sitution to situation. It is also important to remember that what is best will sometimes also have to be balanced by what is expedient. Many families are dependent on two incomes to stay afloat. Apart from that, many mothers, myself included need the challenge of work outside the home and that has nothing to do with whether or not they are good mothers.

I believe that the important thing is to be present when you are present, meaning prioritise your time with your kids so that your mind is also with them and it is quality and fun. I have seen many mothers (stay at home mums as well as working mums) who spend every free time on the phone or on the internet, keeping their kids in front of the tv or saying 'go to your room', 'don't disturb me', 'can't you see I'm on the phone?' anything just to be able to be by themselves unbothered by their kids and that is sad. Of course, there are cases where every mum will need to be undisturbed and have time to themselves, but when it is a constant occurrence, it is sad.

Someone once told me of a case of a 4 year old child who could not speak or understand her mother's native language because she spent most of the day at the child-minder's  - who spoke a different language from the parents -  and when she was home, the mother spent all her time on the phone and never really spoke to her child except to give her 'commands'. Unsurprisingly, the child never wanted to leave the child-minder's house and it was a daily struggle to take her home.

It happens once in a while for kids that are cared for outside the home to not want to go hóme, but if it is a daily occurence, some self-reflection on the part of the parents/mum is probably due.
So, what are the signs that you are not spending enough time with your kids or are not present enough when you are spending time with your kids?

Health issues - there are many health issues that you can only catch at home, no matter how vigilant your childcare provider is. Also, for older kids, schools are there to provide education and not to look after your children. That is your job. My kids kindergarten is located behind a school and sometimes when walking through, I see kids playing outside in the cold without their jackets, because the teachers are teachers and not child care providers and don't check that kids are properly dressed for the weather.

Irittability and agressivness - If your otherwise playful and friendly or toddler starts to get unexplainable aggressive and irritable, it could be that they require more attention from you. There will be phases where your children require more or less attention from you and you need to be attune to their non-verbal and many times subconcious for them means of communication.
 
Clinginess - clinginess is normal from time to time, but during those phases, your child probably needs extra attention from you. Sometimes, clinginess might be related to a developmental milestone.

Decreased appetite and uneasy sleep: These might not always be caused by physiological issues but can stem from a psychological need.


For older children and young adults, the signs can differ slightly from signs shown by  younger children and can include:

• Failing health and school grades
• Lack of sleep
• Loss of friends
• Depression
• Lack of interest in activities
• Doing drugs or picking up vices
• Showing unexpected behaviour

These signs listed above are just some signs that might indicate that your child needs some more time and attention from you. ‘Parents should understand that a child’s need extends beyond the basic food, clothes, comfort and sleep. They have psychological needs too, which can only be compensated by spending enough time with them,’ explains Dr Sonar.


In the next post, we will look at ways to ensure that you spend enough quality time with your children while ensuring enough private space for both yourself and the children.
In the meantime, please post any symptoms that might also indicate that your children need more Quality interactions from you.

Copyright @themummyjuggle.com. 2015

Carpe Diem

Happy new year and congratulations on making it into 2015!!!

There were many tragedies that occurred in 2014, which brought home to a lot of people that life is very fleeting and none of us is guaranteed tomorrow or the even the certainty that we have come to expect we can create by doing the right things.

I have been thinking a lot about 2015 and I believe and need this to be a year of drastic change for me. Drastic change in how I manage my time and my resources, what I spend my time doing and also drastic change with respect to self-care. It was with this state of mind that I stumbled on Tim Ferriss blogpost from 2009 titled "On The Shortness of Life- An Introduction to Seneca."

Below are some of the quotes from Seneca that really resonate with me:

"The greatest hindrance to living is expectancy, which depends upon the morrow and wastes to-day."
"It is not that we have a short space of time, but that we waste much of it. Life is long enough, and it has been given in sufficiently generous measure to allow the accomplishment of the very greatest things if the whole of it is well invested."
"In guarding their fortune men are often closefisted, yet, when it comes to the matter of wasting time, in the case of the one thing in which it is right to be miserly, they show themselves most prodigal."
"You will hear many men saying: "After my fiftieth year I shall retire into leisure, my sixtieth year shall release me from public duties." And what guarantee, pray, have you that your life will last longer? Who will suffer your course to be just as you plan it? Are you not ashamed to reserve for yourself only the remnant of life, and to set apart for wisdom only that time which cannot be devoted to any business? How late it is to begin to live just when we must cease to live! What foolish forgetfulness of mortality to postpone wholesome plans to the fiftieth and sixtieth year, and to intend to begin life at a point to which few have attained!"
I have also added some further quotes which make the same points as the Saneca quotes above.
"One day at a time – this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone: and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering." - Ida Scott Taylor
"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins." - James
"Nobody sees a flower – really – it is so small it takes time – we haven’t time –and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time." Georgia O’Keefe
"Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend." - Diogenes
"Every man dies – Not every man really lives."
William Ross Wallace
"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming —WOW–What a Ride!!!" (author unknown)

Ecclesiastes 3:8 ESV
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.
While I do not really agree with the totality of the ways in which Saneca and some of the quoted recommend spending time, there is a lot of truth in those quotes I have reproduced above.

While guarding your time "as preciously as your money", it is important to keep the eternal in perspective and to remember that each individual was sent to earth to fulfill a certain purpose. If you do not know your "why" - your purpose, it is a worthy exercise to spend time in finding out and asking for revelation into what the purpose of your life is or should be.

Here is what Jesus said about time management and some other quotes from the bible on time.

John 9:4 ESV
We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work.
2 Corinthians 4:18
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Ephesians 5:15-17 ESV
Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
It is one thing to know that we should spend our time wisely, on our God given purpose, it is another thing entirely to be disciplined enough to actually do so and to get rid of all the dead weight and unnecessary baggage and encumberment.
Remember, the greatest tragedy is not death, but a life lived without purpose. ( Paraphrasing Dr Myles Munroe)
To end this post, I will quote Horace, in the part of his poem from which the title of my post "Carpe Diem" ( seize the day) comes:
"While we speak, envious time will have {already} fled:
seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the next day."

Posted with Blogsy

Epsom salts and hempseed oil

It's been a while since I last uploaded a post on this blog.
This summer has been very busy, challenging and quite interesting in terms of work and family. I have been going through a lot of physical and mental changes in the last few month. One of the most unexpected changes is the difference in and the intensity of my pre-menstrual symptoms.
I have been prone to getting a bad cold with a sore throat, body aches and pains as well as really bad cramps. It took me a few months to realize that all this was happening like clockwork the week before my period was due. Once I finally realized it, I tried a few remedies and I thought I would share them with you:

1) acupuncture: a session or two of acupuncture in the week leading up to Aunty Flo works like magic to clear any aches and pains.

2) hempseed oil:

I  watched a YouTube video on the benefits of hempseed oil and I decided to try it out. As much as I don't really like the taste of the oil, I have to admit that it did wonders for my system and I keep a bottle in my fridge. This month, I forgot to take it regularly, and I paid the price in aches and pains and a bad sore throat, again, before my period.

3) Epsom salt baths: I randomly bought a book titled the clean and Lean diet from TKMaxx a few months ago and I'm only just reading it. One of the secrets of a losing tummy fat, or excess water is apparently taking an Epsom salt bath lasting at least 20 minutes and up to 40 minutes. I did some further Google research and read that it helps alleviate pms symptoms as well and I was sold. I got a huge bag of Epsom salts this week and proceeded to add two cups to a bath tub filled with warm water and soaked in it for 25 minutes. Although my alarm was set for 40 minutes and although i drank 750ml of water in that time period, I could not bear to stay in longer. The bath certainly cleared my cold quickly. The jury is still out on it helping with losing weight, and I was certainly very bloated the day after,although I am not 100% sure that had to do with the bath. I will have to give that one another try again and report back.
It would be interesting to find out other tried and tested methods for alleviating pms symptoms.
Take care and have a great weekend ahead.
Photo Credit: Creative Tools via Compfight cc

The sober romantic- marry your own kind

Lately, I have been giving a lot of thought to the issue of marriage. Perhaps it's the fact that my brother recently got married, or the fact that this year is my 10th wedding anniversary, either way, reflections on the topic of marriage have taken up a bit of space in my mind and I have decided to do a few posts on it.

They say love is blind, but only a young inexperienced person will make the decision on whom to marry solely on the basis of love. I like to say that love wears glasses and contact lenses.

One important ingredient for increasing the likelihood of your marriage success is marrying your own kind. Gasp! In this day of inter marriage where colour and tribe don't matter, only a closed minded person will say that right? Wrong. It depends on what your definition of your own kind. By your own kind, I mean someone from a similar kind of background as yourself.

Two weeks ago while I was getting my hair done in preparation for my brothers wedding, I got talking with the lady doing my hair. She mentioned that there was an African restaurant in Frankfurt where you can get authentic cuisine in an authentic african atmosphere - you sit on the ground and you eat with your hands in that restaurant. So I said why the extraness of sitting on the ground, these Europeans sometimes sef. Only for her to say, yes, it's just like in Africa, where we sit on the ground. So I told her wait a minute, did you sit on the ground and eat in your own home, to which she answered yes now. " they would call us to eat and we would go collect our food and find some spot on the ground to eat. Dinning table ke". Of course, she did not believe me when I said that we always ate on the dining table, and  with cutlery, except when eating "okele". We even used to eat at the dining table in my grandparents home, and I have very fond memories of my grand parents dining table.

Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with eating on the floor as opposed to eating on the dining table, but she was so sure her experiences growing up were the experiences of every other African, as I was about my own experiences. We are both Nigerians, but come from different worlds. For me, I had never really thought of a dining table as anything special until that point, and I just ended up keeping quiet having learnt something new.

It's the closed almost incestuous world of the African middle class, which makes us not really 'see' the millions who are not living like us. For me, it took moving to Europe to start to really think about the plight of those millions, even though I am not from a rich family and my parents are very compassionate people who helped others where they could. It could have something to do with the fact that I moved abroad in my teenage years, but anyway, that is not the focus of this post.

Someone I know is married to a man who has told her before that she pretends to be someone she is not putting on fancy airs. Tell me if the lady above were to meet and date someone from a background like my brother, wouldn't there be a sort of disconnect? Wouldn't she accuse him of putting on airs at some point? Or if her brother married a lady from a different of background, wouldn't her in laws accuse her of being proud and thinking she is better than they are? By the way, I have seen such scenarios play out.

 Or a completely banal example from my own life, growing up, my parents took us on picnics and to zoos and parks. One of my fondest childhood memories is a picnic with friends at the zoo in Makurdi where we lived at the time. My husband's parents didn't really take him out like that , so when 5 years into our marriage we started having children and I would expect him to go out on the weekends with us, he was having none of it and it was a bitter point for me that I was the one going all about with my kids alone, which was completely different from how I grew up. One day, after I had  managed to drag him with us by fire and brimstone and he enjoyed himself, he confessed that he wasn't really used to that type of thing as his parents had lots of obligations while he was growing up that did not allow for that type of family outing. Now, I understand where that's coming from and I don't take his reluctance personal any longer, but it took a while for us to get there.

So in saying marrying your kind, I am not talking about race or tribe, but I mean marry someone who is from a similar sort of background as yourself. I am not there if you as a middle class Nigerian marries an oyibo who is either from a dysfunctional home or who places Africans in a certain box, because they will treat you that same way. Or if you being Yoruba woman from a monogamous harmonious home decides to marry a Yoruba man from a dysfunctional polygamous home, or one with absent parents, or one where the man is god. Or you being from a strongly christian or muslim home decides to marry someone who comes from a family where their reigious beliefs are diluted with a bit of voodoo etc etc.

 It's more efficient marrying someone of a different culture or tribe who shares a similar background than someone from the same state who could as well be from mars while you are from Venus when in comes to their values and how they think. Those differences may seem trivial at first, but the longer you stay together, the more you will see circumstances and situations pop up that were not envisaged and where only having similar outlooks or a strong ability to compromise can get you through easily.

Having met my brothers wife and in laws and seen the ease of interaction between the two families, being that the backgrounds are so similar made me wish for the same for everyone else that I know who is still searching. Men, that lady will be raising your children. Ladies, that will be the head of your home 'till death do you part'. Choose with your glasses on!

I have gotten conservative with age, so sue me :)

Anyway in conclusion, if you decide to marry outside of your "background" both social as well as economic, make sure that you are entering the marriage with a lot of compromise,  and if you are female, with a double dose of compromise. You might think you know everything about your partner, but believe me, 10, 15, 20 years down the line, new situations might arise, where you will be shocked at your partners approach. Don't say I didn't warn you o!

Aupair or Granny Aupair Update.

I wrote a post  in July 2012 titled Aupair or Granny Aupair. At the time, I was preparing to return to work unexpectedly and I was trying to decide what type of carer to get for our son.
I joined all sorts of sites and started communicating with all sorts of people online. I was uncomfortable with the idea of welcoming someone I didn't know into my home to take care of my son, and even though I had two people on my short list, I was nervous.

Candidate 1 was a Spanish young lady who sounded good on paper; she had lived in Germany before she wrote and she could speak German. After a skype session where neither of us could understand the other, it was clear that we were only going to employ her under extreme circumstances. That's apart from the fact that she was expensive.

Candidate 2 was a lady in her fifties. She had worked as a nanny and was very experienced, she said. The kids she watched were getting big and she was looking for the next role. The lady was exquisite and very nicely dressed and wore a hat. A real life Mary popping, only older. The minus was that she wanted to be paid "black" so tax free and to be honest something about her just did not sit right with me.

I was beginning to develop a high bp on the issue and reconsidering returning to work when on the advise of a friend, I went to the local child care agency. I explained the situation and I was given a name. I was told that the lady loves Africans, which immediately caused me to raise my eyebrows and decide not to have anything to do with her, as people who make such declaration in my experience are not usually all there.

 After considering our options again, we decided to give her a call. We were traveling, so we made an appointment for the weekend. when we met, we liked her, but we weren't sure. We were going to be entrusting our 5 and half month old to her care after all. Granted I was going to be working from home, but still I would have to travel sometimes and I wasn't sure.

When I visited her home and she casually said " oh and if you need to travel, I will go with you and the baby. I like to travel and explore the world.". At which point I burst into tears. I knew we had found our lady and I know it could only be God answering my prayers. And did I mention that she lives 5 minutes walk max. from our flat?

A few weeks after I started work, she went with my kids and I for 2 weeks to the UK. She has been God sent and has become a third grandmother to our kids. When my son started preschool, we asked her to stay on afternoons and she has! She isn't really strict with the kids and my strong willed daughter will sometimes walk all over her, but that's really the only negative thing I can say. I am glad I have someone who loves my kids with her whole heart, glad to be the bad cop sometimes. That's the job of a mummy anyway 😃

She is 62, unfortunately widowed a few moths before we met her, so we are as vital to her as she is to us. She even wants to come over during the weekend and sometimes goes to church with us. She is really creative and does lots of arts and crafts with the kids, learns rhymes and shares it with them, cooks if we ask her to etc.

We are really blessed to have her. If you are looking for someone to look after your kid, I cannot over recommend this kind of arrangement to you.
Has anyone else had an experience with a "granny- Aupair"?

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie on dressing to please yourself

In this article of the Nigerian writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, she touched on the same subject that I talked about in a recent post So-you-have-pooch-now-guide-to-post.

"I am now 36 years old. During my most recent book tour, I wore, for the first time, clothes that made me happy. My favorite outfit was a pair of ankara-print shorts, a damask top, and yellow high-heel shoes. Perhaps it is the confidence that comes with being older. Perhaps it is the good fortune of being published and read seriously, but I no longer pretend not to care about clothes. Because I do care. I love embroidery and texture. I love lace and full skirts and cinched waists. I love black, and I love color. I love heels, and I love flats. I love exquisite detailing. I love shorts and long maxidresses and feminine jackets with puffy sleeves. I love colored trousers. I love shopping. I love my two wonderful tailors in Nigeria, who often give me suggestions and with whom I exchange sketches. I admire well-dressed women and often make a point to tell them so. Just because. I dress now thinking of what I like, what I think fits and flatters, what puts me in a good mood. I feel again myself—an idea that is no less true for being a bit hackneyed."

Read more: Why Can't a Smart Woman Love Fashion? - Personal Essay on Style - ELLE
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